Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Making Up Part One

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned. It's been 40 days since my last blog entry.

I feel that I have no choice but to tell you 40 different things in an effort to make up for that. (My mom just totally rolled her eyes, 'who wants to hear 40 things about anyone??')

1. I've recently come to grips with the fact that I am a hoarder. I can still access my staircase and my hallway, which separates me from the scary hoarders, but I'm a hoarder none the less. and I am working on it. But if you have some shit you're trying to get rid of, let me know. I might be able to find a home for it.

2. I wonder how old Jon and I will be when we STOP running out of toilet paper. I can't remember a single time growing up when we employed take out napkins and coarse paper towels in the bathroom. And yet, as a "grown-up" (and I assure you the term is used loosely) we seem to run out of toilet paper every three weeks. And then it takes at least three days to buy some. Many times, like today, we'll go to the grocery store and not even THINK to pick it up.

3. Jon gave me a haircut recently. I've become SUPER lazy about haircuts, and pretty much any sort of regular primping/hygiene exercise. Anyways, the haircut is a bit of a mixed bag, but if I didn't tell you it was uneven you probably wouldn't be able to tell.

4. Don't worry, some of these 40 things will be short. This won't be 40 paragraphs.

5. That would be a lot.

6. Despite reaching step one in my hoarding recovery, (admitting I have a problem), I have, in the past two weeks, picked up TWO things next to the dumpster by my house. A lamp and a little cart/shelf thing. I feel like I need to call my sponsor.

7. In my defense, I am going to paint the shelf thing yellow or red and pack it with lovely green houseplants. And the lamp, I'm going to use a stencil from this book to make a lampshade. Have I done it yet? No.

8. Jon continues to recommend Sci-Fi books for me to read and the line goes something like this, "Dude, honey, I just finished this awesome book, I think you'd like it, you should totally read it. It's called _____________."

The blank can be filled with any of the following: Cryptonomicon, Accelerando, The Chronoliths, and don't forget about, Marooned in Real Time.

No I have not read any of them, but as I read this sentence aloud to Jon he says: "Dude these are all, like, great books. People that know them are like 'this guy's the shit'".

9. Instead I'm trying to read "The Pillars of the Earth" and I'm sticking with it because my loved ones will start judging me if I read Harry Potter again.

10. Do you watch Bored to Death, on HBO? If so, did you know that Ted Danson bases his character on Graydon Carter? (at least that's what he eludes to in the short article he wrote in last month's Vanity Fair).

11. When we were kids and heading out on a vacation or weekend getaway, my mom would say, "We're off on another adventure!"

12. This Summer, Mummy and I are off on another adventure. This time, to the Motherland, with a three week road trip across England, Wales and Scotland.

13. Upon hearing this news, I immediately watched Braveheart. (and quoted it excessively: "FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM")

14. An update on the last post that I did about food trucks in my work area: "Curry up Now" is a little bit more like "Curry up and Wait." Or better yet, "Curry Up, Pay too much, Get mostly rice, Now."

15. I'm loving and making felt pendant garlands.

16. Last week, I put Orange Marmalade through the washing machine, destroying her. I'm not positive, but I think this is where the kids would say "FML"

17. That awesome Nestle Baking Clock? Before we bought it, we plugged it in at the store and it ticked and tocked. So we primed it and painted it, changed the color of the power cord, set the Moon phase calendar and the Nestle Seasonal Baking suggestion wheel, nailed the sucker to the wall in the kitchen, pinned the cord out of the way and went to bed satisfied with a job well done. And in the morning, according to our fabulous new clock, only 23 minutes had passed. Ah, thrift store shopping.

18. Something short and to the point. I'm tired and ready to unplug for the day.

19. In reading back this entry, I've said the word "I" about 6 bajillion times. I therefore challenge myself have the next 20 "things" be about anything other than myself (FINALLY you say).

20. It might even be easier, come to think of it. I'll start with this: HOLEY MOLEY!