Trivial Things

Jon and I have taken to playing Trivial Pursuit when we don't have anything else going on. Actually, to be more clear we don't PLAY it because board games with two people are about as fun as playing catch with yourself. We just ask each other questions back and forth; a veritable lightning round of impossible trivia.

I remember playing Trivial Pursuit once as a kid and I thought that the questions were so hard the experience lacked any amount of fun at all. That hasn't changed much really - on a good day we will know maybe 1/4 of the answers to the questions we ask each other, and that involves giving hints.

What further complicates the exercise is that our edition of Trivial Pursuit was purchased at Salvation Army and it is from 1981. The game actually pre-dates both Jon and I. Which means its more of a cold-war era obsessed historical journey than it is a rousing game of DIY jeopardy.

I get more answers right when I mentally prepare for the time warp. Back to a time when Hong Kong was still a crown colony of Great Britain. When Prince Charles and Diana were just married and the turn of the millenium was but a mere glow in the distance.

And I find it's best to remember that regardless of the category, chances are the answer is China, Mao ZeDong, Ronald Reagan, Gymnastics, Bay of Pigs, Robert McNamara, East Germany, Michael Gorbachev, Patti Hearst, Symbionese Liberation Army, Burma, First dog in space, Rhodesia - you get the point.

And when none of those seem to apply, I always answer jai alai. There is absolutely no reason for it and I have never actually seen anyone play this fast paced Basque originated sport, but friend I'll tell you it has proven correct on more than one occasion.

Snuggle Buddies

Our cat loves to snuggle with Zephyr, our 12 year old Australian Shepherd. I can't tell if Zephyr loves the company or is just too old, too preoccupied with the complexities of life, to be bothered with moving. But either way - he seems to tolerate it.

Current Events

1. Office pregnancy: A quiet and shy coworker of mine is pregnant and today the news became official. But to be honest we had all been speculating over instant messages for a couple of weeks. When the 'baby bump' was pointed out to me, it became a mission to think of things to say to this pregnant coworker that might lead up to asking if there was a bun in the oven. "Hey, how far along are you...wiiiith the engineering on that website?"

2. Deevo: Jon is in the middle of editing video of his touchscreens for the company website. Every few months I look back on when he was building the first screen that was made out of scraps that literally included my Cover Girl compact mirror. There were some very serious McGuyver moments involved in its construction but it's cool to see how far it's come and exciting to see where it will go...



3. Internet still sucking: This might be new news to you, but my shitty wireless internet FEELS really really old. Both my regular laptop and my Dell Mini have serious issues connecting to the internet: It's either connected for 5 minutes and then needs to be "repaired" or it flat out doesn't work and I steal internet from various neighbors. Or my computer doesn't even remember that it has the capability to connect wireless at all - which is why I am currently hooked up to Ethernet. But then as I think about it, I realize that since I got my first laptop 7 years ago, I've never had a good wireless connection. 5 houses = 65% satisfaction with overall wireless experience. I feel the same way about a sluggish internet connection as I do being stuck in pointless traffic: Unpleasant.

4. Dominoes: Complete...



5. Failing: In the past 6 months I have committed out loud on the blog to drink more water, go to the gym and pack my lunch everyday, respectively. I have failed each of these goals, each in it's own way, but at least I've gone back to the gym this week.

Well... I didn't go today, but one is allowed a day or two off every now and then.

Bones

I've been looking at this website's homemade domino project for a few months now, longing to pull the materials together to make my own set. I finally got around to kicking the project off this weekend. Jon sawed the 3 inch pieces of wood for me and I sanded them. There are 28 dominoes in a set - each one's dots are made with black marker and the back sides have pieces of paint swatches that I picked up (rather liberally) at my local Home Depot. In the middle of the paint swatches are drawings from various vintage books I've found at the Salvation Army. Apply a few coats of Mod Podge to both sides, and Voila! Are you ready for a round of bones??

This Aint no Foo Foo Camp

I learned about Outback Expeditions from my brother who went to camp a year before I did. The company was owned by a guy named Scottie. An "extreme skier" who spent Winters in Colorado and Summers working at the YMCA in San Diego. When he decided to branch out on his own, he sent brochures to the kids that had taken his trips at the YMCA - Cody being one. The other counselor was Janette, another twenty-something YMCA graduate that was always in on the jokes.

The day we picked my brother up from his trip, all the kids seemed like they had had the best time of their lives. They were so different from the group we saw on the drop-off day. Friends now. Dirty, happy, laughing, Friends. I remember telling my mom "You know, I would really like to do something like that."

So the next year she signed me up. I didn't really know what I was in for, but I knew that the two counselors that owned and ran the camp were young and cool. Everyone thought they were cool. They could have dragged us through Death Valley by our heels and we would have said "Awesome". After my first trip, Summer camp became the highlight of my whole year and continued to be for a few years after that.

The beginning of every trip involved a grocery store visit to gather last minute supplies that didn't make it on the van for whatever reason. Usually before we were allowed to get out we got a speech that sounded something like this:

LISTEN UP FRUITCAKES!

We gotta go into the store to get a few things-
It's 11:40 right now - you guys be back here at Noon or I'm tellin ya we'll leave ya.

You can do whatever you can to get kicked out of the store - within reason - ok? But if you do that, we don't know you.

Getting kicked out of a store could involve any number of things. I personally stuck with simple things. Running a muck with the bouncy balls they had on display, opening every freezer door and writing a message in the frost - you know, stuff like that. Once a fellow camper convinced us to take a more peaceful approach, so we sat in a circle in the middle of a random aisle, taking up the whole thing and reading the available books. And on that occasion the store manager asked us to get up, but then gave us all free cookies from the bakery!

After the first few nights at a campground we would pack backpacks and bear cans of food and head out to hike for a week or more. We never slept at "campsites" because there weren't any and we didn't use tents unless it rained. On more than one occasion a hike turned into an all day peak-climbing experience - including Mt. Banner. (Not my photo)

Even though they were young, carefree and silly, in situations that called for seriousness, I always felt safe with Scottie and Janette. And when I didn't, I reminded myself that my Mom would sue the shit out of them if something happened.

We always saw bears on our trips, and not from far away, they would wander through our campground trying to find human-food left around by careless campers. One rainy day in Yosemite we spent the afternoon in tents, resting, snacking - out and out chillin'. I stumbled out of my tent and was literally 5 feet away from one and looking straight at it. I should have scared it away, but simply stated I was too scared. Another time a bear put four big k9 holes in my unbreakable water bottle, though I didn't witness it. We were climbing half-dome. (Also not my photo)


We climbed half-dome late in the day so that we could see the sunset from the top. It was gorgeous, awesome, awe-inspiring and I wish I had the photos with me here in San Francisco. Climbing for sunset meant descending in the dark and once we were back on the trail we turned off our headlamps and hiked in the dark having been told that "our eyes would adapt". (Debateable)

And friend, I'll admit, we even sang songs around the campfire.

Most of the time the guitar came out late at night when everybody was tired and staring wide-eyed at the fire. But it wasn't Kumbayah or If I had a Hammer - I remember a Violet Femms song and a few songs from the Live album. But most of the time they were songs that were pieced together on various trips. The two songs that come to mind are, coincidentally, both about farting. (Bare with me this is going to be as uncomfortable to read as it is to write.)

One song was simply called "Farted" a song that I could not do justice explaining if I tried. And the other was a song called "Festering Fart". Festering Fart went to the tune of the theme song for Gilligan's Island. I will tell you that one line said "The Ford was a mighty big 'ol van, the driver full of prunes" and another claimed that "Monica almost blew chunks" but I think I'll leave it at that.

But the camp, probably because it was male dominated, focused a great deal of attention on farting. The campiest thing we did (aside from singing at the campfire) was earn beads for various accomplishments. We put the beads on a necklace. One of the beads was called "the Foof bead" for individuals that exhibited talent in the passing of gas. Another was the "What are you?" bead, for campers that did random ass shit with no good explanation. You could get mind, body (for physical accomplishments) and soul beads, or the bead that indicated you had gotten all three. An Earth bead for being environmentally friendly, a bead for being funny.

One bead called the "peeno" bead was never defined. It was purple, simple, and it's meaning was secret. I only saw a few people get it, but I was one of them and I'm not bragging about that. To this day I have no idea what it meant, it could very well have been the "you suck and haven't gotten any other beads" bead, or the "take a hike" bead. Who knows.

Every trip ended the same. Long, quiet drives back to San Diego to the same place we met on the first day. Our parents waiting, everyone smelling like dirt and ready to go home. We took home t-shirts with the camp's slogan on the back: "This Aint no Foo Foo Camp."

Though we got along, we rarely kept in touch throughout the school year and when we all grew out of it, the company stopped doing trips altogether. Or maybe they just grew out of it too.

So many years later it seems like a strange thing to blog about, and I certainly see it differently now than I did then. But what I know is that twelve years ago today, if I wasn't camping, I was counting down.

We've all got a Role

(Baseball on the television)

Jon: I would have been a great pitcher

Me: Yeah.

Jon: No, I mean when I played baseball I was good.

Me: Yeah. I played soccer as a kid but was never very good. That's about it.

Jon: I was never good at soccer.

Me: I'm just not in to, like, having to run into people and shit to get to what I'm trying to do.

Jon: Well it's not about that. It's just, "I've got to get there, and I've got to do what I've got to do to do it."

Me: I'm not saying its about that, I'm just saying that that part, I don't like. Not into it. Let me hit a ball at a worthy adversary. Watch them struggle from afar.

Jon: Yeah. You'd be a good right fielder.

Photo Op

When we were in Truckee a few weekends ago, we went outside to let the dogs get some fresh air. I looked down and saw this leaf that had a perfectly straight line of perfectly arranged water droplets. I ran inside to get my camera, thankful that it came with an awesome close up lens.

It was one of those photographic moments that only comes around once every handful of months...

A letter to my boyfriend's mother

Dear Pat,
I'm sorry to have to do this, but I've roped you into a lie.

You may or may not remember Jon's very dirty, very stained, unrecoverable gray sweatshirt that he was wearing at your cabin the weekend before last (and every other day in between). You may have even made a comment on it's state.

Well, he lost track of it (I happen to know that it is lost at the bottom of a very large laundry basket) and when he asked me the other day if I had seen it I told him wholeheartedly that his mother and I threw it away in Auburn.

Somehow involving you not only made it a cute story of cooperation but one that could not be questioned or second guessed - as only a mother's guidance could be. Though he compared the loss of his sweatshirt to that of a child's blankie I'll bet he is able to move on with his life eventually.

I'm sure you understand, and I assure you its for the better, but if he mentions it to you feel free to set the record straight.....

or don't, up to you :)

Hugs,
Allie

Reunited and it Feels so Good

On our last day at the old office I visited my most favorite restaurant for the last time: The taco truck. I was a little melancholy about the whole thing - I mean its been my most reliable food source for about a year now, and the guy that takes my order was just so lovely and the tacos, well, I've told you about the tacos. Anyway- my ass is not thanking me for having fried, floury folders of steak everyday and so while it was a sad farewell, it was most likely for the best.

We got to our new building Monday and after settling in a bit I visited my boss in her new shiny office. It has windows that look out on the parking lot and the benches where all the smokers congregate. Just over the grassy hill I noticed something - a familiar something - something that looked like the pop-up vents of a taco truck rooftop.

Could it be? I thought. Are those? Is that…? I composed my thoughts: DUDE there is TOTALLY a taco truck at the new office and it is even closer than the last one. But perhaps most importantly: When this taco truck drives up it's horn honks the music to "Tequilla" - Completely eliminating the need for any guesswork as to when it might show up and where it might be.

How the bad economy scored me a half-day at work (and what I did with it)

It's been almost a year since we first realized that our company was suffering along with the economy. Well, at least since we the employees realized it... Management may have known for awhile - you know, seen the writing on the walls as it were. But in July of last year our company saw lay-offs.

And then it was quiet. Employees whispered fearful theories and listened intently at the weekly company meetings. We had fewer clients, fewer workers and our morale was lower.

I never heard "everything is going to be just fine, we'll pull it together". It was more like one fateful day we stopped getting snacks and drinks provided for us and we hunkered down to weather the economic storm.

But eventually our company was acquired by another larger company that has been around since 1896 and was at one point in history, a household name. We lost our CEO, Vice president, CFO and a good chunk of our sales force. It was a substantial change but in the end I think we all had a sense that maybe, juuuust maybe, we'd be able to ride the bad economy out and make it to the other side.

As a then 24, now 25 year old I have to say I was naively along for the ride. Yes, I need my job, but the severity of the situation really wouldn't have hit me until I lost it. This is all to say that the entire year at a marketing company enduring the woes of the current economic climate ultimately culminated in me being able to have a half day at work on Friday. Because as part of our final act as a recently acquired company, we are moving offices. The movers showed up at about 1:30 on Friday afternoon.

Seriously, it was the most directly beneficial situation for me throughout the entire year and I have to say that I thought about those extra afternoon hours and planned around them more than any unemployment threat.

So with my afternoon off I convinced Jon to go see Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian in IMAX with me. Ordinarily we download all of our movies - going to the theater is just SO expensive these days. It's one of the few things about which I can say "In my day it cost four bucks, insane how they rob you, the thieves."

But I work with Fandango occasionally and had gift cards good for two tickets so the movies would be close to free. Of course IMAX was extra but I could pony up the ten bucks with the $30 discount on tickets.

So after going to the wrong movie theater - proving that once again we are mere tourists in our own city - we crossed the street to the Metreon. I offered up the Fandango gift cards to the kid behind the counter who looked confused by them. "Oh, they're just Visas" I told him, as my Rep had assured me. The kid swiped the first one and said condescendingly "Aaand that one doesn't work." Swiped the next card: "Aaand neither does that one. Your total is $38.00."

Thirty eight dollars to see a movie? What does IMAX really mean anyway? The actors better reach out from the screen and slap me in the face, but okay kid, we'll still pay. I assume my debit card will work just fine.

We made our way up three or four floors. Again, "In my day it was Adam's family pinball and two racing games if you were lucky." But the Metreon is like a shopping center, food court, arcade wonderland that also happens to have an IMAX movie theater and another 16 theaters to boot.

We bought one thing of popcorn and a coke and it set us back the equivalent of my monthly student loan payment. We entered the movie theater and there were maybe 25 other people there and about a million available seats. The movie started a few minutes later and it was immediately obvious that IMAX simply meant really BIG and obscenely LOUD.

But not loud enough to block the chatter of the people that sat right next to us in the virtually empty theater. I could have overlooked the close proximity but the man in the family was translating the entire movie to his mother who either did not speak English or had an incredibly short attention span.

The movie was good though and it ended just as I was ready to be out of the big dark room. We made our way down the various levels with that quintessential post-movie-theater grog, a little more entertained, a little more broke and a little more grateful for the silver lining of the bad economy: A Friday afternoon hall pass.

Oot and Aboot

I have never considered Canada a vacation destination, save for perhaps a whimsical Winter weekend at Whistler. But Canada's board of tourism has got me re-thinking all of that with their 15 second, user generated "explore Canada" commercials...

Have a look-see and then please notify my boss that I will be out for the rest of the month. Kay thanks.

Gone Fishin'

Cumulative hours of fishing: One

Number of lures lost: Four

Total number of lures purchased: Four

Total number of slugs caught: One

Total number of fish caught: Zero

Score: Donner Lake-1 Schumanator-0

On Donner Pond

We drove up to Lake Donner today to stay at Pat's cabin for a long weekend. There are supposed to be thunderstorms all weekend and on our way up we went through a few ourselves.

Our main goal this weekend is to catch some fish...I'm not sure why, but all of the sudden the fishing bug has caught me and I will not leave this mountainous setting until I catch a big one.

Jon's mom has a little guest book on the coffee table that has been signed and filled with photographs of visitors since December of 2000. We felt the need to leave our mark in a poetic fashion...

We came up to the cabin on a
Stormy day of Thurs -

Driving through the Summit
with hailing storms endured.

Dogs in tow
and Funds were low
Our energy maintaining

We arrived upon the cabin's door
just knowing the fish were waiting.

If you can't trust your neighbors, who can you trust?

I was talking to my mom on the phone a week or two ago and asking what she was up to. She told me she was getting rid of the bed frame in my brother Cody's old room and moving in a new one.

Well, what are you going to do with the old one? I asked, like any self-respecting twenty-something would do. And she kindly said that if we wanted it she would send it up to us.

Since we moved in together about 4 years ago we have never had a bed frame. Our bed has always sat, sadly, directly on the floor. It was fine for a time but when I heard we could have our very own frame I felt like I had just moved up in the world.

We talked it through and once the items had been shipped my mom notified me and I told her how very excited I was. There were three boxes - two of them were mailed via UPS and they contained the wood boards for underneath the bed, the legs and the accessories (screws, etc.) The other box held the head board and base board and was substantially larger. Around 80 pounds. It was so large that it needed to be sent via freight.

In the meantime I started fantasizing about how cool our room could be if we built this bed frame and worked a little of our crafty-DIY mojo to have the room have an actual "flow" or "plan". Maybe I'll do one large stencil of something on the wall, or maybe it just needed some flowers and plants to lighten it up, who knows - the sky is the limit really. No doubt the bed would be rearranged and the dressers would live in different corners. It was almost like we were moving.

My mom and I emailed each other during the week saying "it's on its way" and "I can't wait." etc etc. On Friday I emailed her and said that I hadn't received the first two boxes the day before, like I had thought, but maybe all three would come today? I asked. She wrote back and said that she received emails saying both packages had been delivered. I knew for sure we hadn't received them. After about 15 minutes of discussions it became clear that my mom, bless her heart, got my address wrong by one number and sent the package to 425 instead of 325. The packages had been signed for and accepted, so who knew if we'd ever get them back - but at least we knew where to track them down. I called Jon and asked him to head over to 425 before the third and final package arrived.

"Call me back afterward" I said.

When Jon called me back he said. "Dude. You know who lives at 425? It's that Santa dude. you know, the crazy guy?"

Of course I knew who he was talking about.

"Well I am freaked out by him and so is the neighbor" he said.

Now, let me back up for a hot second by saying that one time Jon and I were walking our dogs passed this guy's house and we somehow got to talking to him. He was hard to understand and when I finally caught on I realized that he was OUT OF HIS FUCKING MIND. Just a really strange, really crazy, really random dude. We caught glimpses into his back windows and porch as we talked and I got the feeling that he was the kind of guy that drove around in his big red truck picking items up off of the side of the street and selling them later at garage sales - if not putting them somewhere in his overly crammed house. Eventually the man started talking about how in China, they eat dogs that look a lot like our dogs. He was the kind of guy that you felt could certainly be capable of having someone chained up in his bathroom for months. He is very round and has a very large and unkempt beard.

In short: my bed frame packages could not have ended up at a worse location in one of America's largest housing complexes.



When Jon called me back he said that a young Asian girl answered the door and after looking around sort of suspiciously she said that if a package was there she would need to talk to her landlord before it was returned.

We couldn't figure out what she meant by "landlord" unless someone was subletting their place, which as far as we knew was against our renters agreement. I thought, maybe she is a foreign exchange student...and then I felt really sorry for her having ended up at psycho Santa's place.

I spent the afternoon just stewing about it - my mom did the same at her work. I told all my coworkers about it, shocked by the outrage that they wouldn't just return my package. I started thinking of all of the things that I would say and do if the crazy guy tried to give me the run around.

"Sir, I KNOW that you have my package"
"I WILL call the police if you don't return it".
"I'll sit out here all day everyday until you give me my packages"
"I think it's illegal to have people sub-letting your place, shall we call complex security? Hmmm???"

I checked in with Jon a little bit later, frustrated by the lack of progress. "Dude, Jon, I'm just going to march over there the second I get home and demand my package" and he said "Dude. Allie. You are not going over there alone."

Eventually, while I was still at work, he got a phone call saying that he could go and pick up the packages. RELIEF washed over me.

When he called to say that the boxes were safely at home he added that while he was creeped out before, he was now OFFICIALLY very creeped out. While he picked up the box, three other young Asian girls crowded around the door, saying hello and waving to him.

"What?!?! You mean they have Santa, his old strange wife and FOUR young Asian girls living in that one place??"

"I guess so dude, it was so weird man, I'm glad to be done." He said.

We spent the next few days talking about why on Earth the crazy guy had at least 4 young Asian women crammed in his two bedroom townhouse. It not only creeped us out but got us genuinely concerned for whatever was going on at 425 which, after all, is just a block or two down from our place.

A few days after the bed had finally been put together and after we had had several nights of truly amazing sleep, we were taking our next door neighbor's dog for a walk (a story in it's own right that will come later this week). We were walking by crazy Santa's place and we said "Man, it's still just so weird".

But wait a minute, I thought. Santa lives at Four-Twenty-THREE. Not 425. "Jon what the hell??"

Turns out that the crazy guy NEVER had our bed frame and that the young Asian girls were probably, the four of them, roommates - because come to think of it, it is kind of a college community that we live in.

I'd like to blame Jon (sweet boy) for the simple misunderstanding that led me and in turn my mother and ALL of my coworkers to worry about the townhouse-brothel of Daly City. But I think the bigger point here is that over-reacting is never cool and what's more, when you make assumptions, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

Snot!Snot! This is Booger.

I love Jon for the stories he tells. I love a long and detailed story wrought with small tangents and life lessons, humor and humility. Some people are born with the gift of telling their life's stories in an entertaining way - without even thinking about. Other people have just done a lot of cool stuff. Jon is a little bit of both.

From the first day we hung out, at Subway (yes, the sandwich restaurant) he has regaled me with stories that are sometimes so entertaining I wonder how they could possibly be true. From the river rafting trip in Utah that turned Lord of the Flies, to being refused at the metaphorical gates of Space Camp, to the time his family was robbed in France and his experiences as an American exchange student in Mexico who did poorly in school because, well, he didn't speak espanish. His stories are unique in that they all represent him perfectly and when he tells me things about when he was a kid I feel like I get a glimpse into what he was like when he was a little booger...



So one of cool things Jon did was with the boy scouts. He went on a sailing trip in and around the Florida Keys. The way he tells it, time at sea can get long, and monotonous. It's not like they were fishing Opilio crab...They were most likely cruising at a leisurely pace and taking in the immensity of the calm ocean. Jon, naturally, grew bored.

He sat in the cabin and noticed the cb radio. He knew it connected with the other sailboats in his troop, but as to whether or not he knew that it also connected to the rest of the sailing world, I'm not sure.

So in the most trucker like voice he could muster he grabbed the hand held part of the radio and said: "Snot, Snot. This is Booger, come in."

There was a long pause and then the kid on the other end replied with a simple "Uhh. Dude. I don't think we should talk on these things."

Feeling indifferent, Jon said Whatever, and moved on.

Three months later he was at a community sporting event of some sort and the dad that was the troop leader for the sailing trip caught up with Jon and said, "You know I had to pay $250.00 for a phony call out on the cb radio. And I saw the transcription of what the message said. Snot!Snot! This is Booger."

Jon was paralyzed as any kid is when an adult calls them out on their shit and he probably said "sorry" in one way or another. I can relate to this story in a way, though my story involves unintentional vandalism - but maybe that's why I find it so funny.

Even though there was little resolution between the two men (beyond the dad ponying up 250 bucks) the story is so quintessentially Jon Rose that I can't help but appreciate him and laugh each and every time I hear it.

Home Cookin'

Jon and I are working on being more conscientious consumers. We've finally accepted that one grocery store trip a week is both more time and cost efficient than hitting up the store every single night. It seems like a simple revelation but people I tell you it's a long time coming - It goes against our simple but mutual need to procrastinate. But we make a list and we go to the good grocery store and all in all it is kind of fun.

One grocery trip these days and there is no hour-long discussion about what we'll have for dinner when I get home from work.("I don't know, what do you want?")

As it turns out, planning ahead and buying good ingredients can lead to even more delicious meals. Like deep dish pizza:



And homemade Chicken cordon bleu - tenderized chicken breast wrapped around slices of ham and swiss cheese, then covered in Panko. Pan fried for a hot second and then baked at about 325 for 20 minutes or so...steamed zucchini and summer squash and PERFECT rice (a-roni)...



As for my work lunches - where I was previously stepping out each day at noon to purchase some delicious deli sandwich or a plate full of delicious taco truck tacos I am now holding down a home packed lunch.

I'm embracing what you might call a "tapas approach".

It's not that I am opposed to having large meals, its just that I am opposed to preparing them. And I've never really loved leftovers so my only choice is a small shmorgy of snacks.

So one day I might have some delicious costwold cheese and some water crackers - a side of fruit, preferably a berry of some sort, but green apples and members of the citrus family are welcome as well. Another day I might have a chicken cup 'o noodles and a snickers bar - essentially the idea is that I eat things that I like so that I'm not constantly reminded that packing my lunch completely blows in comparison to buying it.

As of right now I give the new lunch routine 2 more weeks. TOPS.

Unless you have any suggestions?

Ya Like Dags??

The first 5 rows of dogs live at Campana Farm in Auburn. The bottom two are our dogs, Zephyr & Lucy.

Roots

I met Jon in Auburn because on Friday he had to get a root canal. I know what you're thinking and the answer is no; Root canals are not life or death situations. But the Schuman-Rose's do not allow for rites of passage to go by unrecognized. And this is Jon's loss of dental innocence. He has gone from a boy with cavities, to a man with a root canal and what will soon be a gold crown. Someone had to bare witness to this episode that has, in our minds, aged him at least 5 years.

We sat outside the night before the procedure and star-gazed - an activity that Auburn is great for. If we sit long enough we can keep a running count of shooting stars. The night before Jon's root canal we looked up and saw a satellite moving at a steady but quick pace over the night sky.

It's Spring on the farm and there are baby horses and baby goats and families of baby Canadian Geese to prove it. The frog population seems to be booming out of control because at night the chorus of ribbits was loud enough that we had to consciously talk over it. We stood outside talking about this and that the night before Jon's root canal and I kept saying that I couldn't believe the noise they were making and then all of the sudden, as though it had been planned in advance, every single frog stopped and it was dead silent. We were quiet for a moment while we pondered how large and small life can be in one single second. Not fifty seconds later the first frog started up again and the chorus returned, but it was sweet to experience the froggy moment of Zen.

We got a lot of photos while we were there - a lot of which are of the 7 Australian Shepherds that were present at the time so that I could do a cool collage of dog photos, which I am going to work on today.







This particular set of goats felt the need to argue over Jon and my attention.



Remember the cats that Pat rescued from our neighbors? Chloe and Sammy joined the farm on Bell Rd. but seeing as there was already one Chloe - pictured here:



Chloe of "Chloe and Sammy" fame, became a Snowy...



Now as it turns out, Sammy had some rare and potentially deadly tooth disease that, in order to survive, Sammy had to have almost all of his teeth pulled out...All but his k-9s...



On Friday night I was feeling like my normal overly-confident self and whilst bickering about who knows what with Jon I challenged his ass to a foot race. I wasn't positive that I would lose...as a toddler my dad nicknamed me Laser Bomb and in elementary school I won several ribbons in the school-wide track meet so it's not that I felt like a Slowsky or anything.

I jogged to the guest house where my tennis shoes were to loosen up a bit. Jon and I rendezvous'd at the top of the driveway where his mom and step dad graciously observed our ridiculousness. I assured him that he was going down and he was going down hard. The Schuman's don't ask for a race they can't beat. We walked down the long driveway until we felt like it would be a long enough race to determine a definite winner. "Dude, Allie. Just don't go crazy and fall or anything, okay?"

I paused to think about how well the man knows me and then I promised not to fall. Shortly thereafter I began searching for any and every way I could get a head start. Should I cross right in front of him? Would his parents look down on me if I tripped him? Yes. Probably so.

Ready....Set....GO!!!

We both took off and after about 6 steps he was clearly in the lead. It was at that moment that I assured myself that I did not want to be dating a man that I could beat in a foot race. I would never look at him the same again. When we crossed the finish line, several steps apart I told Jon this in an effort to soften the blow and he said "yeah. I guess I'm the only one that had anything riding on that. But dude, I had a root canal today."

Rocking

Personal Policy:

Rockband wipes the floor with Guitar Hero.

Not so much a personal policy as it is a fucking fact.

Exercising Control

I really try hard not to question my instincts. Life, I ascertain, is like a scantron test- your first reaction is usually the best and most accurate and it goes by way too quick to analyze and second guess your natural instincts. I have made mistakes in my life so far and there are of course things that I have done that I am not proud of (Like that time I was walking back over the US/Mexico border, shit faced drunk, yelling DRUUUUGGGSSS!! I HAVE DRUGSSS!!!!!). But when I find myself saying "why did I do that?" or "I wish I would have made a better choice" I automatically remind myself that I could spend a lifetime wondering those things and that my limited time on the planet is much better served just being myself.

But I am still human and therefore my decisions are still made and based within the realm of social acceptance - so I avoid the following things, though occasionally it takes a great deal of effort.

1. Dressing my dogs up in clothing. Ok, so I have done it once and got a great deal of satisfaction from it, but generally speaking that is an activity better suited for small dogs.

2. Running in to the elevator and hitting "DOOR CLOSE" so that the woman walking right behind me has no chance of making it. In the mornings at work I like to spend my elevator time assessing my outfit and adjusting makeup if necessary and if someone joins me on the ride up, it makes it sort of difficult.

3. Internet stalking the Olsen Twins. (Why are they so fab?)

4. Using Facebook to express my drama - here is an example from a "friend" on my Facebook who I don't really know:

im happy to get rid of drama craving, attention seeking, emotionally crazy ppl in my life and will stop trying to find the good in ppl from now on. cheap, fake, emo ppl can now get the fuck outta my life and stop butting into my business.

On the one hand I totally support the drama craving people getting the fuck out her life, but on the other this is the PERFECT example of point #4.

5. Reading the Harry Potter books over and over and over and over...(nerd alert)

6. Laughing when I ask the guy at the deli for three pounds of "pork butt".

7. Laughing when the person in the next bathroom stall over farts.

8. Driving on the shoulder of the freeway in a dead stand still of traffic. It seems like an obvious Plan B.

9. Ordering an IV of Coca-Cola to my jugular vein, as opposed to a regular old glass.

Examiner

Friends, today marks my first post on a website called Examiner.com. Well, I submitted it today - I had to get it reviewed the first time to make sure I wasn't completely illiterate...I'm not sure when it will be posted, so I'm going to post it here instead and when my column is up and running I'll put a button on the right side of this site. As the San Francisco Arts & Crafts Examiner, I started off with a very (theoretically) simple project that involved nothing other than stencils, rocks, glue and magnets. It took me 3 days. 3 days to make even a handful of good looking magnets that I was willing to share with my fans. I might be able to think and execute a cute ass project but what I neglected to mention on my application to Examiner.com is that said project is consistently wrought with hours of incorrect measurements, smudged paint and uneven hems. But all the better to teach you, my dears.

I give you my first article... with never before seen photos at the end. Contain yourselves.

Rock magnets are a fun and cheap way to stick stuff to your fridge.

Level of Difficulty: Easy

Cost: $

Materials:

-Water based paint

-Stipple brush and/or sponge

-Stencils

-Smooth/round/flat rocks

-Super Strong ceramic magnets (at most craft stores)

-Glue gun

---

Gather at least ten flat, round and smooth stones that aren't too heavy. I collected mine at Fort Funston, an awesome San Francisco beach that I take my dogs to several times a week. I went during low tide and there were plenty of rocks, I filled a grocery bag in less than ten minutes.

Depending on your nearest large body of water, you could use lake or river rocks as well – the main thing is to make sure they are flat, that they are large enough to hold whatever stencils you plan to use and most importantly, that they are not too heavy to stay up on the fridge. Overestimate the number of rocks you'll need. Pick up ones you know you won’t use as well to practice with – There is nothing worse than picking out your prize rock only to find out that your stencil or your paint won’t work and your "canvas" is ruined.

When you get home wipe the rocks with a dry towel and set the good ones aside from the testers. If you’re using a stencil with several different designs on it, use masking tape to block the other objects. Some people recommend using a spray adhesive to hold your stencil in place while you paint over it, but for this project, either a steady hand or a small bit of masking tape will hold it in place. Use a stipple brush and avoid paint that is runny or oil based as it can seep underneath the stencil and ruin your design. If you are quick enough you can wipe off water-based paint with a damp towel when you make a mistake. If you have trouble with the brush, try a small sponge.

Once the paint is dry, use a medium sized test rock and glue a magnet on the back-top portion with a glue-gun. Once it’s dry put it up on your fridge and see if it sticks – if it doesn’t stick, plan on using two magnets on your actual rocks- if it does stick, you are good to go. If you have to use more than one magnet on the back of your rock, make sure you place them evenly, if you don’t the rock won’t benefit from the second magnet and will continue to slide down your fridge.

If you’re doing this project with children, depending on their age, you may want to do away with the stencils all together. If you do use them, make sure the stencils are small enough that they will lay flat on the rock without the help of any adhesive, but large enough for the children to manage. Have the children use a small sponge as opposed to a stipple brush. Use washable paint.

For more info, more photos, and more about my experience : Visit http://Schumanator.blogspot.com

Freeloader

Personal policy:
Company provided soft drinks? I'll take three.

Prelude to a Project

What blows my mind about when we take the dogs to the beach is that the smallest thing is a signal to Lucy that we are going. The prospect of getting in the car, if you are just tuning in, induces a genuinely excited panic in my dogs. She notices the minute differences - Have I sat down on the couch yet? Am I changing into my jeans? Am I putting tennis shoes on? Did I open the closet? Are Jon and I saying the words "go" and "car" a lot? If the answer is Yes to any of the above questions than it means that our 4 year old dog is losing it and our 12 year old dog is wrapped up in the insanity of it all.

So we took them to the beach again today because I have a project that I want to do for a special purpose that cannot, at the moment, be named. Trust me, it's fun. The project involved collecting a series of simple and similar rocks - tumbled and smoothed by the ocean's tides. Despite the gale-force winds the trip was lovely...We were only pelted with bullet-like sand two or three times. By the time we reached the actual coastline the weather was calm. The dogs fetched (poorly, often leaving the frisbee in the ocean)while I took photos and collected rocks. It was a glorious Tuesday afternoon.







More details on my project later in the week, but a sneak peek for now:

A Day for Moms

Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms in my life!

Leader

Personal Policy:
If a morning commuter tries to ignore the every-other-car rule while merging, it is my civic duty to let them know that that shit is not okay.

Current Events

I had a very domestic weekend of jam making...



Cookie baking...



and photo taking...



It was utterly delicious in every way.

Viva The Vegas

As mentioned in the previous post, I met my mom in Las Vegas this last weekend. She had a conference (that she ditched!) and I am very glad to use any reason to take a vacation, quick though it may have been.

After a nap on Friday morning (after all, my flight WAS at 6:30am, which is unholy)we went down to the pool to hang for awhile. It was not even noon yet and the place was PACKED. Mandalay Bay has a beach-like pool area with sand and a wave pool - although, the wave pool is more of a Swell Pool - the waves don't ever really break and Nazi lifeguards whistle at you if you even think about dwelling in the shallow end. The water was warm though. We also took a spin in the lazy river which I just love - and just at this moment I've decided that when I "grow up" I'm going to have a lazy river at my house. Why swim when you can construct a current to carry you?

We were only by the pool for two hours, and we were under partial shade (due to overcrowding) and yet I still managed to FRY under the desert sun. FRY PEOPLE. I ask myself, will I ever learn my lesson? So aside from being totally uncomfortable for the next few days (and still today) I was faced with a very difficult decision: Do I go back out to the pool and fry the other side of my body so that I am at the very least, symmetrical?

Yes. Yes I do.

Late Friday afternoon we caught the tram over to the Luxor hotel and that place is just cool. They have a few exhibits there now - one of them is the Bodies exhibit, which I haven't seen yet, but want to - and the other is an exhibit with items found from the Titanic wreckage. We checked out the Titanic exhibit and it was awesome - really really well done. When you walk in they hand you a card with information about a real passenger, what their story was and by the end you can see if they survived the shipwreck or not. It seems simple, but it was a great way to get people engaged.

We got room service on Friday night (love it) and crashed early. Well, at least we tried. Our next door neighbors were having a party and every few minutes they would burst into the quintessential party noise, you know: "OHHHHHHHHH!!!!" followed by uproarious laughter. Then door slamming. I sat in my bed awake wondering at what point I would get up and say something, but as I rehearsed in my head I realized it was best left alone. "Hey guys, I know its only 10:00 pm....And I know its Friday night....Aaaand I know we're in Las Vegas..." Nevermind if that was a reasonable request it made me feel downright uncool.

The next day, after toasting my backside, we rested, mosied around the hotel and had a long late lunch. After which we decided it would be best to try our luck at the slot machines. I guess we would have saved ourselves a bit of time if we had walked up to the Casino manager and said "Hello. I have a hundred dollar bill here. Can I give it to you and will you slowly but systematically let me down?"

But of course we did not think of it that way when we walked in to the casino. We were both having day dreams of winning the $10k from the massive slot machine in the front. DING DING DING, clink clink clink clink clink.... That same manager would walk up and ask if we would like to have our rooms comp'd and how would we feel about one of the luxury cabanas for the next day or two? The little devil on my right shoulder would tell me to KEEP GOING YOU MIGHT WIN AGAIN and the little angel on my left should would say "No, don't be stupid, go to the hotel jewelry store and buy that Cartier watch".

Really if you want to make money on slot machines you need to cash out the MOMENT you have any sort of profit. $1.00 or $2.00 dollars and you gotta move on. That is the only way to "Win." If you want to win more substantial cash you have to do a game of skill - poker, etc. Which I find totally intimidating.

Of the $60.00 I spent I walked away with $0.38. Of the $60.00 my mom spent she walked away with about $25.00 and somehow (and I think this is how they fuck you) that felt like a win.

Our wake up call on Sunday was for 5:00am because we had to catch the 5:30 shuttle to the airport. Vegas is one of the few places where most everyone that is up at 5:30 in the morning is up because they have not yet gone to sleep. Still in party dresses, absolutely shit faced drunk, smoking cigarettes to keep their minds off of throwing up and taking the dreaded walk of shame down to the taxi station - are all acceptable 5:30am actions in the city that never sleeps.

It was a good trip, relaxing and comfortable. It is always nice to see my mom who, despite being in the same state, I do not see often enough.

So Mom, where's the next conference? Somewhere tropical??

Flight of (In)fancy

My flight to Las Vegas left at 6:30am on Friday morning. Who takes flights at 6:30am when they have no schedule or time line to keep, you might ask. And the answer is: Procrastinators. Procrastinators take 6:30am flights because all of the other ones are taken.

I met my mom here because she had a conference and essentially if someone asks me if I want to share a free hotel room in one of the entertainment capitals of America I'll be damned if I'm going to say no. That, and the hotel we're staying at, Mandalay Bay, has a lazy river. The most sacred of all water attractions.

Anyways, about my flight - Though I know that it is truly unfair I have very little sympathy for the plight of parents that fly with young children. Particularly when they are sitting behind me SCREAMING incoherent toddler profanities and kicking their tiny (but incredibly strong) feet into the back of my chair and into my spine.

Luckily it was a short flight and at about the hour mark I was confident that we would make it safely (well, most of us… I wasn't so confident that the kid behind me would make it - not if I had anything to say about it.) Just as I thought that, the kid let out the loudest scream yet.

Hey-hey Excuse me, Little boy! SHHH! SHHHHH! The woman next to me had finally had enough.

Now why the hell didn’t I think of that, here I was throwing desperate glances at the flight attendant, hoping that she would strap a muzzle onto this kid and reprimand these parents and all along all I had to do was turn to my new soul sister to my left and say “fuck dude, enough is enough.”

The parents were utterly bewildered. Oh I don’t know, maybe you woke your kid up at 5am so that you could get on a plane to LAS VEGAS. Maybe THAT’S why hes cranky. Hmmmm.

I did one time have a kid that was kicking the stuffing out of my seat and it was while I was still working at the preschool and I thought, well, I speak little kid - maybe I can talk some sense into this little shit. So very kindly I turned around my seat and said HI :) Can you please not put your feet on the back of my chair?

But you know what dude, that kid looked freaked out for about 2 minutes, stopped kicking my chair for about 5 and then continued like the soccer ball had only been half inflated before I turned around. Now it was fully inflated and I’ll be damned if the kid didn’t kick the chair all the way down the state of California. And all the dad could do was say “oh sweetie, remember that nice lady sitting in front of you? don’t kick her chair” but that didn’t do any good because 90% of the children in the world are, apparently, like wildlife. If you require zip ties to keep your kids’ feet in check, I promise I will look the other way as you apply them.

I do know that one day it will be me, with MY ill behaved child strapped into a flying machine, and that I will be at the mercy of HIS bad listening skills. But at that point I will be the only one to blame as I face the shame of public humiliation. I can only hope that it is a short flight.

Details on the trip to follow tomorrow once I'm home... Thank ya. Thank ya very much.

Earth Day is April 22nd - Tell someone

Sick Van Winkle

Jon has been sick lately - he caught a cold and by Tuesday evening of this week he started feeling the symptoms. For the next few days he felt like total shit and I encouraged him to drink lots of water, get extra sleep and to have a positive outlook on his state of health.

By Thursday morning he was feeling better. We joked about how regardless of how sick he gets I very rarely catch it - Strong like Bull, I said, my immune system is like the iron curtain and my body is the Soviet Union in winter.

I went to bed Thursday like it was any other night. I had my soothing ocean wave sounds going, I crashed after having my head on my pillow for 2 minutes and I didn't even stir until I woke up...at 3:30am. I woke up and my throat was raw - like I had been breathing through my wide open mouth all night long. I couldn't breathe through my nose and my head was aching with congestion. I went downstairs to sleep on the couch thinking that there was a chance I could still power through a Friday at work.

By the time Jon woke up at 6:30 I had tossed around on the couch for three hours - as he came down the stairs I moaned in agony. "Are you sick dude?" he asked.

YESSSSS I almost cried. My head pounding, throat still raw despite the three glasses of water I chugged, my sinuses so clogged I wasn't sure a brain aneurysm was far off. I decided to stay home for the day and work when something important came through my email.

I spent the day sleeping. Moaning, crying. Sweating, freezing, aching, and then sleeping some more. Usually when I'm sick I start feeling better by the afternoon, but I only seemed to be getting worse. I bought a thermometer last time I was sick and miserable because when I'm sick the only thing that makes me feel better is a little affirmation: Either the doctor saying "Oh boy I haven't seen something like this in years" OR the sweet beeping sound of a thermometer reassuring you that YES, you are sick enough for a fever - and my aren't you brave?

But no fever. Jon went to a friend's house for awhile and by evening I was feeling even worse. Weepy sick. Will I ever get better, sick.

I started to get desperate. Jon told me to take care of it like Doc Holiday a la Tombstone. "You know, you don't have to drink the whole bottle of whiskey - just take a shot or two - take the edge off". Whiskey. The thought actually made me gag. But I figured I'd either throw up or pass out and either way, I would feel a little bit better, so I took two chest-hair-growing shots and went to bed shortly thereafter. I slept until 2:30am when I got up feeling just as bad as I had earlier (note to self, Doc Holiday is on his deathbed by the end of Tombstone).



I hobbled back down to the couch and took 2 Tylenol-PM. I felt myself drifting slowly back to sleepdom. I was like Max, in Where the Wild Things are...I sailed off through the night and day and in and out of weeks...

And there I was. Walking up a paved hill in a woodsy sort of area. I was by myself in that I was walking alone, but was part of a larger group of people heading in the same direction. Leonardo Dicaprio was there. Being aloof. Keeping to himself. He said something about a kid in line at the grocery store staring at him. He remarked how rude that was. I told him I once asked Jason Lee for his autograph and then regretted it - Leo nodded and kept making his way up the hill. I came to a shortcut that went up and over a non-paved hill with deep rich soil and mossy granite rocks - I took it. I was wearing a sea foam, knee-length skirt that I have never seen before but it was hindering my progress. I got over the shortcut and back on track to find that I was headed towards some sort of upscale celebration. Someone's wedding or lavish birthday party. I was escorted to my seat which was inside a Spanish sort of building with a large open courtyard below visible from all levels. The flowers and the lights were gorgeous. After I ate my meal I remember feeling kind of drunk. I hit up the restroom on the way down to the fairgrounds below.

Fairgrounds? My conscious self asked. Fairgrounds, My dream voice answered.

At the fairgrounds random people I've known throughout life were peppered here and there. Some were running the 50 yard dash on a strange sort of track, racing against a clock. Others wearing costumes that didn't seem to go together, like a yellow bee costume with big pink fairy wings. At some point I ran into Jon who was socializing with an old friend. It was at that moment I remembered that I had left my purse back in the bathroom. But as I looked for it, there seemed to be hundreds of bathrooms to check. All small but clean. I looked for what felt like hours. I knew that Jon was waiting for me. And then as I walked into one room I saw a guy with my purse tucked under his arm and rushing out the room with his girlfriend. When I pointed out that he had my purse his girlfriend attacked me with her purse. They assaulted me and stole my cash out of my wallet.

I don't think I have any cash in my wallet, my conscious self said. Yeah, you did, my dream voice answered.

And then all of the sudden I was in my mom's kitchen. It was all very vivid - the creme colored tiles, the wooden cabinets - the fridge, the bar. My brother was there too. We were talking about the strawberries my mom sent Jon for his birthday - they were almost gone. My brother said "Actually, those were from me". I replied "Oh, its okay, i'll just get some at the farmer's market."

Is there a farmer's market in Mira Mesa? My conscious self asked. Of course there is, my dream voice answered.

And before I knew it I was at that farmer's market. But it felt more like a market in Dar Es Salaam than anything else. It was definitely an African market of some sort. Vendors were selling jewelry- Necklaces with big wooden beads, fabrics, there were large trucks everywhere. I remember thinking that if I could just get to the end of the street I would be back home - Funny how the scenery can change from one block to the next, I thought.

I started to stir like I was Sick Van Winkle slowly waking from a lifetime of sleep. Where was I? Who was I? Is the world the same as it was when I went to sleep? Am I the same as I was when I went to sleep?

By the time I truly woke up it was Noon. I had slept for 13 hours not including the handful of 2-3 hour naps I had taken the previous day. And if you can imagine - I felt almost completely nursed back to health. My appetite was not huge, but the thought of food was not as nauseating. I was low on energy, but that didn't stop me from running some errands and planting a few new plants out front of my house. I just cleaned the kitchen and now I'm sitting on the couch, my former deathbed, plotting my next move.

Come to think of it...a nap doesn't sound half-bad.

Bad Dog

Lucy in the car, on the way to the beach. A few things to note about this photo:

1. When she's not forcing her way up into the front seat she is jumping in circles and yelping with excitement.

2. She could really benefit from one of these...but would probably rip the back seat out.

3. You'll notice the good dog laying down in the background on the right...paralyzed by Lucy's lack of civilization.

4. When we take big turns, like the one we have to take to get up to the beach, she goes flying across the back seat like a doggy power-slide.

5. Every time we go through this I think to myself that if my kids are even close to half as bad as she is, I am so totally screwed.

Daffodils

Right now Trader Joes is selling daffodils by the bundle. The little directions tab said to bring them home, cut 1/2 inch off and put in some warmish water.

So I did it, and honestly the flowers bloomed right in front of my very eyes...







It was utterly magical.

My Shower Sucks: Part 6

Imagine, if you will, a bathtub that takes twenty minutes to fill two and a half inches.

Now lets be clear, I like a hot bath - None of this would be an issue if I weren't selfish enough to require that my bath water be hot. I would be just fine if what I really wanted in life was a bathtub faucet that could fill a tub to the brim with cold water in 34 seconds - we've got that covered. But I just don't see my position on the temperature requirement changing anytime soon.

April Weekend

Friday was Jon's birthday and we celebrated by going to dinner downtown at a place called MoMo's and then to the Giants/A's baseball game at AT&T Park. Dinner was de'lish but I will say that when we walked up for our 6:00 dinner reservation bouncers outside checked my ID and put a bracelet on my wrist so everyone would know I was of age. At a first glance MoMo's on game night looks a lot like Cancun on spring break: Lots of young, overly groomed white kids drinking too much. And that's cool if you're in to that - but inside there's also a great restaurant with amazing bread and a killer wedge salad. After dinner and a few drinks we walked directly across the street to the ballpark.

My favorite things about baseball games:

1. The way all of the vendors - at least the ones who mean it - adopt a sort of "ball park accent". You could be in New York or Florida and the sales pitch sounds the same "Peaanuts heeyah! ROAS-TED, SAL-TED Peaanuts!"

2. People watching - whether it is the 80 year old ladies marking down each ball, strike and out - or the little kids dancing their hearts out to be on the big screen.

3. The simple yet fun and interactive entertainment on the big screen between innings.


I did very very little on Saturday. Went to bed early, slept over 10 hours. HEAVEN.

Today I woke up sort of early (before 9 at least) and took Lucy to the beach. I'd been thinking about taking her by herself - without Zephyr to see how she would behave. You see, normally we take both of them at the same time. Lucy spends 99.8% of her time hounding us to throw the frisbee. She literally walks so closely beside whoever has the frisbee that she trips them with every step. "Are you going to throw it now? Now? How 'bout now? Now? How about now? Are you going to throw it now? Now? Now? What about now? Can you throw it now? How 'bout now? Now?" The only time she is not doing that she is either fetching the frisbee or - when the frisbee gets put away - she is herding Zephyr, cutting him off and trying to be an alpha dog.

So I took her alone thinking that if I were to put the frisbee away she would explore and who knows, maybe she's a digger and we've just never given her the chance. These are things that I would like to know. But as it turns out when she is alone and the frisbee is put away she does the exact same thing she does when the frisbee is out. Only instead I imagine her thinking "I know its in the backpack. Are you gonna take it out now? How 'bout now? Now? Now? Right now? Come on, what about now? Now? Now? How 'bout now?".



After lunch I got started on one more window cover that matches the one I did before. There was a lot of tracing and exacto-knifing of small details and since I did 4 large stencils every annoyance was quadrupally magnified.

Me: This is either going to be great, or its going to be the fucking shambles.

Jon: Such is life.

Twenty-Six really does something to a guy.

We had a lovely dinner at Joanna's house this evening where we chatted and enjoyed the company of Mr Cutie Liam and hung out outside because the weather was so nice.

All in all a set of days wrought with April perfection.

Oh but it were a three day weekend...

PS. How cute is this wrapping job on Jon Boy's present??

Tube

It feels like a lot of shit is going on in my Television life right now. I mean, just pure and utter chaos on some fronts.

Because all I can think of when I get home from work is curling up on the couch and turning off my brain to watch some tube - I think it would be appropriate to update you on the happenings in my MOST favorite television shows. Who knows, maybe you (guiltily) watch some of the same ones and can contribute...

1. LOST. I could watch this show every week for the rest of my life and if you asked me what it was "about" I could not fucking tell you. I love it, I am utterly devoted to it and last week when our DVR messed up the sound on the entire thing I wanted to poke my eyes out - but this show never satisfies me. Ever. And the worst thing is that I know that the last and final episode is going to leave me just as unsatisfied as every episode in the entire show's run has.

But while I would prefer to avoid the hassle altogether...If it's all the same to you, I think I'll keep watching. I need any modicum I of closure I can get.

2. AMERICAN IDOL. First of all it's a long time coming that I even admit to watching this show. But now that I have, here are my comments:

• a. I think that Simon, at one point, was banging Paula and now is definitely down with the potential of doing Cah-Rah and every time Paula says something ridiculous, he looks at "Cah-Rah" and says...See what I mean?

• b. I don't have a favorite really. I like Megan but I mostly just like her tattoo and style. I'm down with Danny, but it's not really fun to pick the obvious - and as Jon pointed out, so rarely does the early front runner win. I thought Matt was awesome tonight, but the judges' commentary made me think he was entirely uncool. Anoop Dog was my man before, but it would just be foolish to pick him at this stage in the game.

• c. Allion is pretty good, but the first thing I said when she walked out was "W-O-W, would you look at that mullet? That dress? Those shoes??"

Not that I didn't make several years of poor wardrobe decisions just around her age, but come on I was not on national television and- don't they have stylists at this point?

Stay tuned Methinks.

3. PROJECT RUNWAY Last Season: Ok so Kenley was arrested for attacking her "ex fiancee" with a laptop, a cat, and some water or something? I feel like you didn't see this coming...But at the same time, you totally saw this coming. Kenley: You had me until the ropes around the models' necks.

4. REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY: Yeah yeah you watch it too. Apparently Vicki "woo hoo" Gunvalson received a death threat for comments she made about former playmate and THOUROUGHLY bitter human being Jeana Keough on the show. Vicki bugs me...and when I saw she was in the news I automatically assumed that her separation with Don finally went public. But no.

Please people. Read the writing on the wall.

5. WEEDS Is this show ever coming back on? Does it run like 5 weeks of the year? Is that nearly enough single-mother-suburban-pot-dealing for my life? No. No it's not.

6. REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK...

1. Okay first of all I was not even going to consider watching this because aside from Jon's sister and her family, I straight up do not get New Yorkers and I figured that there is no way in hell that I was going to give this shit the time of day.

• a. But tell me why the Real Housewives in New York, dramatic and ridiculous as they may be, make Orange County housewives look like a bunch of complete retards? Seriously?

• b. (Except for Ramona. She is on another fucking planet with her cooky ass husband.)

2. Okay so whateverwhatever - Bethenny and Kelly don't like each other. But honestly, I only sort-of like both of them so I'm Switzerland in this battle.

3. I will say that it was absolutely ridiculous of Kelly to plan a meeting just to say "Screw you Bethenny, you aint shit", but somehow I'm able to overlook that.

• a. Doesn't help though that Kelly was recently arrested and had a court date for socking the shit out of her "boyfriend".
• b.Crazy Points Kelly: 5 Crazy Points Bethenny:....5

What's up with your shows??

Hmmmm.....DING!

One sunny day in 5th grade we headed to Mrs Buchanon's science class in the next building over. I loved science class and although I can't seem to remember the frequency with which we visited Mrs Buchanon I have several very vivid memories of her classroom. They mostly involve owl pellets and computer assignments...But the assignment on that sunny San Diego day in 1994 left an impression on me that I don't think will ever rub off.

Once inside the room we settled ourselves at our desks. Mrs Buchanon held up a rather unsightly contraption and said "Class, today, we are going to make Hum Dingers." The item that she held up was enclosed in wood and all I could see was a small piece of string that she pulled on. When pulled, the string would set off a chain reaction - something within the box would hum a low deep hum and then as soon as the string was let go, the box would ding! like a kitchen timer.

"So - today you are going to make this" Mrs. Buchanon said, "but here's the catch. I am giving you some rubber bands, a few paperclips, some metal, a string, a tiny little motor and a box - but I am not going to give you instructions. You have the rest of the class period to figure out a way to make your materials Hummmm and then Ding!"

We had all been subjected to the dreaded Invention Convention - where our parents competed against eachother the night before the assignment was due to see who would come up with the most thoroughly ridiculous project. I think I stole the show with the "Goose Neck Sprinkler" - a regular old spray bottle with a plastic straw attached - for those hard to reach potted plants.

But this project was different - I felt the need not only to be the first one done, but to be the one with the loudest ding!

It really wasn't all that hard. At least I remember thinking that. But once I had thrown all of the pieces together and tugged on the string, my Hummmm was more of a lackluster bzzzzzz. But boy did it ding when you let go of the string.

The last part of class was dedicated to Mrs Buchanon pulling all of our strings in front of our peers. She showered those who accomplished the task with compliments and made a somewhat disappointed face when a student failed to make their contraption Hum or Ding or both. When it came to my Hum Dinger she seemed sort of torn. She pulled the string, listened to the buzz and the ding and said, "Well...It doesn't sound exactly like mine did, but it humzz and it dings! And the project didn't have any instructions so I say...Great Job!!!"

And this has sort of contributed to my life's mantra ever since. In life you aren't always given instructions for the things you have to do. Sometimes you just know the goal and are given the materials, but the means to the end are really up to you.

You can half ass it, you can fudge the meanings and definitions of some things, you can create your own pathway to the destination. But dammit in the end, if you aren't humming or dinging....well then you're doing something wrong.

Thinking.

Bloggers Block

Loving Microsoft Live Gallery - Stitching.


25

Shower water pressure has returned to its original state of uselessness. If you can believe that.

I think that I have developed an allergy to my cat and although I do love him this is just another thing on the list of shit he does to bug me.

New Camera

Coca Cola fountain soda from McDonalds, Coca Cola in a can, Coca-Cola fountain soda from anywhere other than McDonalds, Coca Cola in a glass bottle, Coca Cola in a plastic bottle. In that order.

Not sleeping very well, think it's bedroom feng shui...making big plans and being inspired by this website.

Used to, and once blogged about, LOATHING morning radio talk-shows. No longer the case.
Sarah, Vinnie, Hooman, Yuzette, Icky and Jane: Mahalo.

Number of times I have sneezed while writing this: 9

Number of times that cat has meowed at me while writing this: 6 million



Liking Home

Bedtime.

Photos Taken With My New Camera

The Nameless: A Poll

On my birthday, March 17th - St. Patrick's day, two baby goats were born on a farm somewhere in Northern California.

Those baby goats, both boys, need names, and ideally they would be adorable Irish names.

I've started a poll for these sweet boys because this is a big decision and we need the creativity and good taste of my readers to help.

The names that you can vote on:

Patrick & Kelly
Quinn & Kian
Killian & Colin
Seamus (Shay-mus) & Hamish.

Ok, so Hamish is Scottish, but we're all a little bit of both, are we not? I know that I am...but regardless the two names just sound cute together.

So I ask you to please vote on the current poll and if you have a computer at work AND at home, vote twice like I do some people do.

Jon suggested we call at least one of them Baby Jesus, but he quickly self corrected by saying "oh wait, no. That was lambs."

Just look at the wee lit'le ones....

On Second Thought...

You know what? Screw selling the Civic.

No one is willing to pay the premium at which we were willing to sell it and as the process became more and more of a pain in the ass, my mom and I slowly recognized our attachment to the vehicle.

I mean seriously, if a 16 year old kid had written to me and said "I LOVE THAT CAR, I want it, will you take such-and-such amount?? I NEED to drive that Civic home today!!" I would have said "fuck yes we'll take that much, enjoy the car my young friend...treat it well...." But because almost every single person that wrote to me seemed to be a middle aged/middle eastern man (not a judgment on heritage, but just an odd coincidence) and because they all seemed determined to make me an offer that I absolutely could refuse, we've decided to re-think our hasty decision.

In summation, reasons not to sell the Civic at the moment include:

1. First and foremost, this car is like The Gap: Simple, classic and universal. Yeah, maybe it's not the most unique thing on the planet, but what it lacks in originality it more than makes up for in versatility.

2. No matter who responds to the Craigslist ad, I get the sneaking suspicion that they are trying to scam me and quite frankly I think they feel the same way.

3. I already lowered the price from my first ad by $1,000.00. That is a thousand bucks less than Kelly Blue Book recommends for a car in "fair" condition. A fact that I resent even more now that no one jumped at the opportunity of a lifetime.

4. A few people asked if we would take even less than the lowered cost and that is just offensive if I'm being frank. Does emotional value count for nothing, I ask you?

5. One day this car will be the crowning jewel in some car collector's auto-menagerie. Such a classic that the eager collector will not mind that the driver's side door has been stuck shut for half of a century.

Laundry and Craft

Jon and I went to Pat's house this weekend and set our personal record for the amount of laundry we brought this time. We tried to weigh the bag, but it was about 300 times the size of the scale. We can say for certain that it was at least 50 pounds but I am willing to bet that it was more like 70.

Amidst all of the laundering Jon and I took walks around the pond and tried to drain Lucy of any energy she might have (a lofty goal). It was cold, but sunny...I took a few photos while we strolled. Spring must be near...







Also, with the help and expertise of Jon and Pat, I finally finished fixing up the chairs that I bought at the Salvation Army. Ten bucks each but a lifetime of enjoyment to be sure. It didn't get done as quickly as I originally projected, but dammit they're done and I LOVE them.





Another project I've been meaning to share: We have a round window at the top of the staircase that allows all neighbors in front of our place to see directly into our bedroom and bathroom. For awhile we had a piece of tacky fabric up in front of the window, but I was inspired by this project in Ready Made Magazine and made my own stencil and film cut-out.





Anyways - I drove back home today with Zephyr while Jon stayed in Auburn with Lucy so that he can work tomorrow. Big day for him: He's checking out and approving the final Multi-Touch Screen. He gets to bring one home and I'll put a video up in a few days. It's always strange when he spends the night away - I usually end up sleeping on the couch, making poor dinner decisions and watching chick flicks until my eyes glaze over and blur. It's about as attractive as it sounds.

Saving Time

For about a week now I've been telling myself that I would not blog until I finished the chairs that I am reupholstering - that way I could combine a few of my recent projects into one truly inspirational do-it-yourself fabulousness of a post.

The only problem with that is that I have been totally slacking on the chairs. The day that I bought them I thought I would go home, sand them, paint them, take the seats off and reupholster them ALL IN ONE DAY. This kind of thinking is very very typical in the Schumanator household. It is the crafting equivalent of having your eyes be too big for your stomach.

Anyways - I'm almost done with them - tomorrow will definitely be a post on cute home crafts, but for now I'd like to start a betting pool...

Saturday was daylight savings time and we have managed to change alarm clocks and watches...but the kitchen clock is a different story. We don't use it to wake up and it doesn't help us keep track of the time during the day so why bother changing it? Especially if we are going to have to change it back eventually anyways? Not to mention it is over the sink and that is just sort of difficult to access.

AND SO you may now place your bets on how long you think the kitchen clock will stay one hour behind...But be warned - I have dibs on November 1, 2009 and the surrounding dates.

The End of an Era

My first car was a black Honda Civic - 1998. I loved that car. I drove it for 7 years and then when my mom bought herself a new car I inherited her Accord. We didn't sell the Civic - it's been at my mom's house, appreciating in value.

So we've decided to sell it - put the money towards my taxes this year (which are ungodly). In making this decision I was forced to think back on our time together - me and my car - and I realized that one day I will talk about my "little black coupe" the way that Bessy Bad Ass talks about her "little red convertible".

My mom bought me the Civic about a month before my 16th birthday. It sat outside in a parking spot for a full month, taunting me day in and day out after school. That is, until I started taking it for joyrides in the afternoon.

I didn't do anything crazy. A few times I cruised to 711 for a slurpee. Another time I picked up my friend Nicole and we made macaroni and cheese - it was all really harmless. But when I finally had my license, the first thing I did in the evening was drive to the nearby strip mall where I bought a wallet. A wallet to hold my new drivers license. A fuzzy hot pink wallet.

There was also the time that a friend and I drove to Big Bear to go snowboarding. There was about a quarter of an inch of snow on the ground and because we didn't have chains for my tires, we had to turn around and go home. On this drive I got a speeding ticket going 99 miles an hour. This I did get in trouble for, and rightfully so! I look back and wonder how anyone could be so stupid as to be driving that fast anywhere. Although why they would make a car be able to go so much faster than any legal limit is beyond me. I doubt there are Civics cruising the autobahn so I really don't see the need for the speed...but maybe I'm just shifting the blame.

I drove this car to college and my dorm roommate happened to have the exact same car! Something we naturally bonded over and then inevitably disliked each other for.

I drove it to see Jon all the time when I was still living in Chico. It was very trusty - save for the two flat tires that left me in my pajamas, miles between highway exits and crying to the unsympathetic AAA lady.

And then I had it here, in San Francisco. I drove it the less than 1/2 mile to the preschool that I worked at so that I could go and get lunch everyday. Pathetic really. And then one day the drivers side door shut and was never to be opened again. From that moment on, my car was a constant source of humiliation. I would run into a neighbor in the parking lot and they would look puzzled as I approached the wrong door and of course greeting the parents of the preschool kids I taught each day provided a nice morning kick-off. Eventually I slid in and out of the passenger's side and over the center console like it was nothing, but it was always a scene.

To this day the door is stuck shut. My brother told me once that it might cost $500 to fix and I think we all agreed to leave it at that. My mom drives it occasionally to keep the battery going and she has never said one word about it being a pain in the ass. But I guess I can understand that because when I look at the car, sitting quietly in the garage, I don't even think of the door. I think of all the other millions of moments I had with my little black coupe and how I'll always remember it as My First Car.

Journey to the Promise Land

Today is my mom's birthday!!!! Happy Birthday Mamacita!!

I made a quick jaunt down to San Diego to spend a little time with the birthday girl this weekend - so quick that I didn't bother making many plans beyond hanging around the house and banking on nice weather. My flight out of San Francisco was delayed and I finally arrived around 9pm on Friday night. I was still sick - in fact probably MORE sick than I had been up to that point. Just a snotty, coughy, sneezy, glassy-eyed wreck and so as soon as we got home my mom went to bed and I took a hot bath and went to bed too.

Because my mom works on Saturdays until the early afternoon, I took a few hours to meet up with my old friend Courtney. Despite talking almost every single day (we both use instant messenger for work) we hadn't seen each other in at least two years. We decided to meet in downtown La Jolla. We loved La Jolla when we were in middle school and intent on roaming the city by bus. We both set out to meet there - but - we both got lost. Lost in our own hometown. It's embarassing really. I doubled back on two freeways and she called me wondering...Are you near Seal Beach??

As a matter of fact, I was near Seal Beach. I got there a bit before her so I could roam around and get some photos.









Just after I decided that I like totally needed my own pet seal it was time to find Court.

Sweating, unable to breathe and aching on the hill up to the store level, I, alongside an effortless Courtney Beatmon braked momentarily to catch my breath. "It's cause I'm sick..." I assured her. We ate outside at Jack's and it was truly good catching up.

My mom and I just kicked it for the rest of the day. Got the Mexican food that is mandatory during every visit home and watched The Sopranos until bed time.

It's no wonder I am so into Christmas and allegedly "peeking" at any gift that is headed my way: When I woke up this morning my mom had gone ahead and opened her present claiming that "it was on the table". Suuure it was. I'm willing to bet that she tampered with the wrapping so much that there was no choice but to just get rid of the evidence and open the whole damn thing. I'm not saying I blame her...That would be the very height of hypocrisy.

We hung around today - did my taxes which was exceptionally painful and spent some time in the sun. We also used the Kiva gift certificate that I got her to give a micro-loan to a woman in South America that wants to buy a portable cart to sell soda and other things. My flight in the evening was also delayed, but it ended up arriving a lot earlier than they said it would. All in all it was a great quick trip - I'm feeling a lot better than I was on Friday and it was good to spend my mom's birthday with her.

Also of note, for several weeks now my mom's dog Leya has been walking up the stairs backwards. If you think about it, it's a pretty amazing thing - the best part is that it is not the entire staircase, it is not a random decision on the way up, No - it is on the exact same stair everytime. We aren't sure if she had a bad experience on that stair at some point or what, but she is apparently very conistent. I got a video because this is the kind of thing you just don't believe until you see.



And, speaking of dog videos - click here for the Dooce rip off of the day. It is truly unreal.

Sickie McSick Face

If my whole body was a toilet I would give myself a flush right about now. I don't usually hang on to colds for very long but I feel like I have been sort of sick for the past three weeks. It's been draining and it has robbed me of all motivation and creativity.

And so today I bring you a video. After seeing my friend Olivia's blog about the local news, I came across this gem...Did you ever wonder how newscasters spend commercial breaks?

Gym Confessions

1. I did not go to the gym last week.

There I said it.

2. I told myself that I would go to the gym today. I got to the stoplight down the block from it where I have to make a u-turn and waited for a few minutes.

Maybe not a few minutes - but long enough to convince myself that I ought to just make the u-turn and keep on drivin' until I got home. I called Jon so that he would help validate my decision to not workout..."I don't know if I'm going to go today...I'm not really feeling well and there's not really anywhere to park - but will you force me to go tomorrow? Either in the morning before work (he laughs) or on my way home??" He said that he would.

3. The light turned green and I made the u-turn and then thought Schuman you lazy son of a bitch take your less than fabulous ass to the gym.

I told myself that I wouldn't tolerate an outrageous parking situation (and I wouldn't park in those meter spots either, I LOATHE parking meters) - one lap and if it looked hopeless, I'd head home.

There was, of course, a great parking spot - and so I went.

* * * * *

Unless you pull a groin, or you get gassy while you're lifting weights or you fall off the treadmill and embarrass yourself in front of everyone... you never leave thinking "Man, I wish I hadn't gone to the gym today". Instead you think "Wow, I'm so glad I just did that" - And so far that's the best part for me.

Post Vee Day Survey

Dooce had this on her website today. Life is a lot easier when people do the thinking for you - here are my answers to the same survey...

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Jade and his middle name is Swanson.

How long have you been together? 4 years of sheer un-wedded bliss.

How long did you know each other before you started dating? A couple of weeks I guess. But we didn’t really get together for real until a year later or so.

Who asked who out? Technically he did. But to be fair I did make him aware of the fact that he COULD ask me out and that I would say yes. That was right after I slipped him the roofie.

How old are each of you? 24 and 25. He is one year older but bless his heart, he started kindergarten late and since I still think of the years of my life in terms of Grades – we are the same age.

Whose siblings do you see the most? His. My only sibling lives in South Korea and I get the distinct impression he enjoys avoiding me.

Which situation is hardest on you as a couple? Deciding what we will have for dinner. Lesser relationships would have cracked under the pressure of this nightly decision.

Did you go to the same school? Harvard of the West baby – Chico State. Okay, actually we met in Chico, but we didn’t go to the same school until we both transferred to SFSU.

Are you from the same hometown? No, I am from America's finest city. He is not.

Who is smarter? When it comes to things like measuring or computing – building or constructing, he is much better. When it comes to things that are more language based, I am.

Who is most sensitive? We are both sensitive in different ways

Where do you eat most as a couple? We eat at a place we affectionately refer to as JDB where ¾ of the waitresses are out of their fucking minds.

What is the furthest you have traveled as a couple? I think Florence, Italy was the farthest, but taking the earth’s curvature into account, it could very well be the Netherlands.

Who has the craziest Exes? No comment.

Who cooks? He does. I cook spaghetti and tacos.

Who is the neat freak? Neither one of us in our entire lives has been referred to as a “neat freak" but I occasionally go Pine Sol lady on his ass.

Who is more stubborn? He is - Although he would staunchly and unwaveringly disagree.

Who hogs the bed? We are both at the mercy of Lucy and the Cat. The good dog knows better.

Who wakes up earlier? About a year or so ago he started waking up at like 6am, I think just to spite me.

Where was your first date? We ended up at Subway (see # 7). I don't think he had money for a sandwich OR he really didn't like Subway. – I offered to buy him one but can’t remember if he accepted. He complimented my choice of provolone cheese and while I ate he told me the best story I ever heard.

Who is more jealous? We are both pointlessly jealous like a couple of big babies.

How long did it take to be serious? What can I say, we are passionate people?

Who does the laundry? Do you seriously have to ask? When the laundry gets done it is I who does it. I'm glad you didn't ask how often we do laundry.

Who is better at computers? He is of course..

Who drives when you are together? Jon does and I don't know if it is because I have reached child baring age (ha), but I am convinced that every trip in an automobile brings me one step closer to a crunchy, fiery and very untimely death. If another driver on the road turns on their signal I am certain that they will be plowing into us as we pass by - "Dude Allie, people change lanes. Its ok". That is why he drives.

The Dream

Every time American Idol comes around I spend about two weeks thinking "It's now or never. Should I try out? Maybe I'll try out and not tell anyone...then if its good news I'll share, if not I'll bury the experience deep in my memory bank - right alongside the time I ripped my pants while I was doing the splits at recess in 5th grade."

After the two weeks of checking audition dates I settle back into my mediocrity- cozy, but slightly less famous than my destiny dictates.

But I must have been dwelling on my chances because last night I had a dream about my try-out period and believe it or not I made it all the way up to Hollywood week.

* * * * *

I was thinking about the sheer luck of being overlooked and thus having been advanced into further rounds. We, myself and the other contestants, made our way into the tepee within which we would have a late evening solo sing. One last exhibition of our skills before the competition really narrowed down to the favorites. The tepee was full of plastic white folding chairs and we sat divided down the middle as though each performance were a wedding.

I was in the front row along with a handful of other people but when we heard someone say that the front would be starting things off, everyone moved back and all of the sudden I was the only person in the first row.

The host, who was not Ryan Seacrest, said "and why don't we go ahead and start with you??" and it was obvious he was speaking to me. I felt a total sense of relief; Better to just get it out of the way, just knowing if I made it would be reward enough, regardless of whether it was good news or not.

But wasn't it odd? I seemed to be the only person in the entire contention that had only sung one song - my initial audition song. I had been looked over, blended into the group competition and forgotten in the follow-up solo. There must have been some sort of mistake, but I didn't bother mentioning it...I'll take what I can get, I thought...But it's only a matter of time before I'm found out.

And so I got up, confident - but nervous as all hell. I cleared my throat and shut out the nerves. I began to sing "Yesterdaayy......"

But I couldn't get a note out - not even a clear voice - It was clouded and obscured, like I couldn't breathe enough to get a note out.

"All my troubles seemed....so faaarr awayyy"

It was obvious now, I was losing it, I wouldn't make it if I didn't turn it around right now....

"Now it looks as though they're here to stayyy"

I started to force the air out "OH I BELIEVE IN YESTERDAAAYY" but it was no good.

The three judges said a quick "Thank you" and my peers started clapping slowly in the teepee that we were gathered in. I sat down. Embarrassed. The slow and chatty round of applause evolved into a more hearty reception and as I sat down I clapped for myself too, glad that I put the effort in to begin with.

* * * * *

I'm not sure whether this dream has to do with my utterly naive overconfidence or the inevitable lesson that I truly cannot carry a note...but either way I have to say...I quite enjoyed my 15 minutes of (sleepy) fame.

Valentines Day in Monterey

Today for Valentines Day Jon took me to the Aquarium at Monterey Bay, something I have been dying to do for years now.

It was a two hour drive each way for us to get there and we went through parts of our fine state that I have never seen before. I had no idea that literally 15 minutes south from my house there are wide open, undeveloped rolling green hills. And as we made our way through Santa Cruz all I could say was "Would you look at these trees?! Huh? Aren't they something??"

We checked out the exhibits, enjoyed the coastal scene, had a nice lunch and forced our way through tens of thousands of people that had the very same idea.

The first thing you see when you walk in the aquarium (just beyond the sea of ill behaved children) are the jelly fish - and they are amazing. These particular jelly fish are caught just off the coast of Monterey - which is one of the only places they can be found.

Then we saw the otters who were adorably playful as they swam back and forth in front of my camera, but were too quick to catch. The only time they slowed down they seemed determined to be camera shy...

This penguin, however, felt otherwise and posed like a good little flightless bird.

As did this fish, whose species I neglected to catch.

We had lunch at the full service restaurant at the aquarium that sits on top of the bay and I could see otters playing around in the kelp and pelicans flying overhead. The menu was mostly seafood...which seemed odd...Jon and I both settled for meat of the land based persuasion and it was de-lish. Each table has a set of binoculars to borrow so you can scope the awesome scenery while you wait for your food - I definitely recommend hitting this place up if you ever visit the aquarium.

By the time we were on our way home it finally started to drizzle, but before the rain got too heavy we saw a rainbow. I took a few pictures of it but then as we got a little farther down the highway it became a complete and perfectly arched rainbow - massive and arching directly over the highway we were on. I just learned that this free PC download, Windows Live, can stitch photos together to make a panoramic shot for you, but my rainbow shots weren't complete enough to make it. (A project for my next blog methinks)

So I got a video of the rainbow instead. It was the perfect end to a great Valentines Day...

Adding Insult to Injury

It's funny because I was under the impression that there was no lettuce left to eat, and yet this picture suggests something else entirely.



I took this photo last night at about 11:15 right after I made a complete scene of dumping out my recycling. When I walked out the door and saw this snail covered twig I totally threw-up in my mouth a little bit. Then I went and got my camera and that is when I locked myself out of the house. God damn snails win again.

Entertainment, Online

So, yes, I do check out E!Online more often than I am comfortable admitting to. In my own defense it is to kill time at work and exercise my own personal agency amidst a sea of tasks I would prefer to postpone as long as possible.

Don't get me wrong, in the middle of a crisis I'm not thinking "okay, let me just get a quick glimpse at the Patrick Swayze update and then I'll get right on that". But I do find some sort of relief in taking a moment to be vicariously fabulously famous through others. That and I think Robert Pattinson is dreamy. Way dreamy.

But what makes this such a shameful habit for me are all of the in-your-face paparazzi shots you see that you just know were taken while someone's personal space was being invaded. I mean, yeah it's one thing if a celebrity is walking down the street (I guess) - but taking their kids to school? Coming in and out of hospitals? Why the hell do we give a shit? And what makes these photos even worse than they already are, are the comments that other viewers leave about them.

For example, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are always shown going in and out of their daughter's preschool. Every single day it is the exact same shot - Them walking out the classroom door, looking surprised and in a hurry. Then some asshole leaves a comment like "That little girl needs to get her ears pinned back" or my favorite: "They never let their daughter walk on her own feet!" HELLO of course she can't walk on her own feet - there is a large group of smarmy and desperate men - pushing and shoving to get just one photo. FLASH FLASH FLASH, LOOK OVER HERE! LOOK OVER HERE!!

I'm calming down.

So one day I could not take it any longer and I made a comment. A simple yet public presentation of my moral high ground. My user name was "Ugh" and I didn't bother linking to the Schumanation because I don't need that kind of riff raff showing up.

I was the 3rd person to leave a comment and I said the following:

3.Could it be any more obvious that EVERY SINGLE DAY these photographers are waiting outside of this little girl's school to get this exact same photo? That is just ridiculous

It felt good to just get it out. A day later my curiosity got the best of me and I went back to see if anyone had argued my point. Sometimes they do that - commenters call other commenters out and it turns into a full blown comment war. But that didn't happen to me - in fact, other commenters agreed with me, rallied around me even... They referred to me as #3.

6.#3, I thought the same thing, #4, what in the heck are you talking about?

10.* 3 is totally right. Why are these photogs hounding this poor little girl just to get the same pic everyday? I have to admire Ben's restraint... I would have thought he would have freaked out about this by now.

So I'll be honest - these supportive reactions are totally going to my head - and I will continue to comment as "Ugh" for as long as the people need me. It's a big responsibility, but sometimes you just have to step up.

Escalated Threat Level

Thought I had a fighting chance of saving what was left of my homegrown lettuce - (what with the veritable triple threat of death traps) - but it appears as though I was mistaken.

What was once luscious and green...



Is now a baron wasteland of crushed up (god damn useless) sand dollars. A post-nuclear-holocaust- of a flower pot.

The shame.

The snails have won this battle.

But they wont win the war.

Dirty Kid Part Deux

Friday afternoon Jon and I dropped his tan jacket off at the dry cleaners for a quick turn around - he had to wear it the next afternoon at a wedding. I brought along my most favorite peacoat that I have had for at least 2 years for the ride because it was the first time in my life that I have even been to a dry cleaner which means that this particular peacoat has never been cleaned - dry or otherwise.

I heard a joke once from Mitch Hedberg that went like this:

"This shirt is dry clean only....which means....It's DIRTY."

Oh how I related with this sentiment.

So on Friday when I took my peacoat into the dry cleaners and laid it down on the counter the woman behind the desk looked at it for a long second - like I was a homeless man that had just dropped my coat slash butt wiper right on her feet.

I mean, ok, I should have had it cleaned by now, but its not like it had stink smoke rising up from it - it may have had some dog/cat/Schumanator hair embedded into it like an indigenous rug, but like I said - it was sanitary. Sanitary enough to wear to work that day.

The dry cleaners said that they could have Jon's tan coat turned around by the next day, but my coat? My coat would not be ready for 3 days. Whether this time line directly correlated with the cleanliness (or lack thereof) of my coat, I'm not sure. But when she went to pick it up off of the counter she paused and then held out her thumb and forefinger - so as to make as little contact with the coat as she could. I stared at her - utterly bewildered by her elitism.

I mean, you would think that I brought her an open petri dish of the ebola virus and asked her to dry clean it with her tongue.

"Oh great" I said, "Now that I know where you guys are, I have TONS of stuff that needs to be dry cleaned - Is there a limit as to how much stuff I can bring in here?"

Without answering, the Marie Antoinette of dry cleaning glared at me while Jon and I took our dirty selves out of the shop, back to our dirty car and moved on with our dirty lives.

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With String

Right now on Facebook people are passing around a "25 things about me" note and when your friend tags you in the note you are then supposed to forward it on with 25 things about YOU and ideally your friends will do the same and so on and so forth.

I have been dying for someone to tag me in this so that I can regale them with 25 factoids about myself, but alas, no one has tagged me in the note (I mean, I think its obvious why: They all read my blog - the already know 25 things about me).

I have gotten close to being tagged.- my friend Kevin tagged me in one (and I said A HA! finally!) but by the time I logged in to look at it, Kevin had deleted it. And yes I suppose I could start my own note without being tagged, but one must maintain some semblance of social networking protocol.

In the meantime, my friend Elyse just did a "Favorite Things" post and at the end asks, "What are your favorite things?" And dammit - I'm considering that a tag.

And so I bring you some of my favorite things in and around my house right now:

I use this pitcher as a watering can - It was about $3.00 at Target because there is a small crack on it, but the more I use it, the more I absolutely love it.

My mom bought me this Peruvian wall hanging at Bazaar Del Mundo - one of San Diego's most awesome places to spend an evening. They had them at Anthropologie for awhile but of course they cost twice as much.

New IKEA lamp - I got two of these for our house and they help keep our tv area well lit.

Thanks to Pat for this Smith & Hawken mini metal tree (currently sold out).
It's Christmassy - but I think I can make it work year 'round.


If you know me at all you have seen me wear this ring. It is the all-time best jewelry purchase I have ever made and I am tempted to say that it is also the best all-around purchase as well. I got it for a steal at a Chico vintage shop.

The ancient coins that Mr Rose got me for Christmas. GREAT gift.

Jade necklace from Oaxaca. I bought this at the archaeological site Monte Alban.
Jade is my middle name, but the small Mayan woman that sold me this did not care.

Home grown cilantro that looks pretty when it flowers and smells oh-so-good.

I bought these plates at the Salvation Army because I thought that some day I might make a mosaic. When I got them I thought they were hideous, but they have totally grown on me.

Rubber stamps are huge in my life now. I was never very good at drawing so I think that a well placed stamp goes a long way.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

You can't tell from these photos, but these white flowers smell like doo-doo.







Snails are eating my plants. I've heard that if you put egg shells in the flower pot snails will have a hard time sliding over them and thus do not eat your plants as much. I've also heard that salt will kill snails if you put it around your plants. But I've decided to employ my own home remedy: Crunched up sand dollars. Why you ask? Well, it theoretically takes advantage of both approaches - the shells are spiky AND salty. It may just be my imagination, but I've tried this before and I'm inclined to say that it works.

I happen to have an ungodly amount of old sand dollars outside our house that I collected one day at the beach. Who knows what I thought I'd do with them. I'm guessing that if you did not have access to a bounty of sand dollars, normal shells would work too.





I'm still using the beer tactic too. It's a veritable triple threat of death traps around here with the odds stacked against the San Francisco snail population.

Spandex Wearer

It has been two weeks exactly since I started going to the gym and I have to say that it is going quite well. I know that it's unrealistic to think that I will go everyday, but I have gone most days after work. I'll tell you right now the main motivation is the hour of TV time that I can log in while milling the tread and riding the bike. If I get off of work early enough I can flip between Ellen and Seinfeld - a perfect mix of entertainment. When I leave work a little later I bone up on my Travel Channel and my Food Network.

I sincerely doubt the novelty will ever wear out. Jogging...indoors....while watching tv...sweating profusely. It's all very Back to the Futureish. Like as soon as I leave, my sweaty t-shirt will blow dry itself as my hover board idles outside.

I only pay $10 a month (a seriously good deal) so I really shouldn't complain. But since I have a blog and I enjoy the sound of my own fingers typing, I will complain just a tiny bit:

First of all, there really isn't anywhere to change. I don't know if they think I want to just strip down in front of all the other unfit, non-resolution having ladies, or if other people utilize the bathroom stalls? Today I tried using the shower stall and I kept stepping in puddles of water - something about that totally grossed me out.

Secondly it appears as though I am destined to run into parents from the preschool I worked at for the rest of my life because my gym, like everywhere else in this god forsaken town, has at least one as a member. And I'm just going to say that it is a parent I would have paid money to never see again.

Next, the catch phrase for Planet Fitness is The Judgment Free Zone, but I absolutely judge other people that are working out and I just resent the fact that they assume that I don't.

And lastly, and most importantly, the gym is literally just around the corner from the best burrito place that I have found since I moved here. And that's just fucking cruel dude.

At any rate. You'll be glad to know that despite the uncomfortable changing situation, the total weirdo of a parent that I never wanted to see again and the extra 3 burritos I am eating a week - I'm still going to stick with it. Mostly because I want to be able to watch some of my shows, but also because, you know, it's been two weeks ~ And I'm feeling good.

Outtie

At about 11:30 this afternoon the power completely shut off in the building I work in. My thoughts immediately following this event were:

1. Dang, I was in the middle of typing something to Courtney. (Although we have also chatted when there was an earthquake where she is in LA and a fire across the freeway from my building).

2. So. Hoooowww long does the power have to stay off for it to mean that I can go home? 30 minutes? 1 hour? 3?

3. Bullocks! The elevators won't work and it's an agonizing 9 floors (that, I assure you feels a lot more like 18) down to civilization.

4. (and this is a thought that had flitted in and out of my brain since the moment I walked out of the house this morning): Why did I choose to wear the most ridiculously uncomfortable pair of shoes that I have never liked-slash-not worn in at least two years? I could barely get to my car this morning, never mind down the entire Hitachi building.

5. Wait...Did I have anything important to do? (See below.*)

6. Do I have any snacks stashed anywhere...

So a bunch of us sort of congregated around the comfy chairs that no one ever sits in. We stared out the window watching fire trucks (I assume for people trapped in elevators?) and pg&e trucks reach nearby buildings - We wondered aloud just how far the outage reached. We casually but politely danced around the subject of the early departure. We almost went to the restaurant at the hotel across the street figuring that if the company wants to pay me for a two hour lunch that it would be rude to decline. Their power was off too.

Some of the more responsible individuals spent the time filling out their 401k paperwork. Some had laptops and conference calls - two things that did not require the main power. Some of us did nothing.

And then after about 45 minutes we had had enough. Rumor had it that the CEO said we would sit it out and god dammit if we liked our jobs we'd sit it out with smiles on our faces. I refused to accept it.

And friend, let me just tell you how glad I am that I work with a group of people that were ALSO hoping to skip out early. At some point people started muttering "this is ridiculous" and "I can't believe we have to sit and wait". And so as though by sheer will power..The power of collective ambition...we finally got the word that we could leave. yabba dabba doo.



*And Yes. I did have something important to do. Something that I did not remember until I thought that very bullet point (#5). Not a great situation, but the blog, if you can imagine, totally saved my ass tonight.

Snow and The Donner Amsterdam Skype Jam Band

Well it finally started snowing the evening before we left Tahoe. Although we would have loved to have played in the snow the whole time we were there I was glad we got a least a little winter weather. Most of which was experienced on the drive home.



So instead of frolicking in the 'freshy pow pow' we mostly entertained ourselves indoors. Jon worked and I perfected the art of chick flick viewing. I probably also left marks on the sliding glass doors where I kept my nose pressed the entire weekend. At one point Jon had a conference call with his brother Jeff. From what I could tell they'd been talking awhile - and they must have been wrapping it up because I could hear Jeff start to strum his guitar over the computer. They decided to have an impromptu, Donner Lake - Amsterdam, Skype Jam Session. Jon used the banjo that my mom I bought for him - it is probably the third time he has used it. Not because he doesn't like it, but because it has been hiding at the cabin for awhile.

Because of the delay in long distance Skype calls Jon got Jeff's notes about 5 seconds after he hit them. Then Jon played. But because Jon's notes then took another 5 seconds to get back to Jeff...Well, I don't think Jeff heard a thing.

But on our end, (when they caught a good flow), it was pretty sweet...

Out of Commission

Jon and I are at Pat's cabin on Lake Donner and very glad to be here. We got here last night and I keep waiting for the clouds to dump snow, but all we've had is rain so far. Rain and fog. Since I started checking the weather in Truckee for this weekend the Weather Man has changed his mind like 4 times. Sometimes he says it will rain, for awhile it was going just be partly cloudy and the rest of the time, we have been destined for snow. It leads me to believe that the Weather Man is nothing but a witch doctor - a shaman, dancing his rain dance in front of the blue screen.

But Truckee could use some snow.



There have been a few times throughout the day that the sun has crept out from behind the clouds and created the most amazing reflections on the lake.





I turned up the contrast in my Windows Photo Editor and by doing that it almost looks like the rocks are floating at the bottom of this photo. Like a Salvidor Dali painting.

Where Were You?

I was sitting in Arlene's cubicle at work (our manager of customer service). Arlene wore her "Bahamas for Obama" shirt that she got in, well, the Bahamas. And I enjoyed a glazed doughnut.

Several Things

I hope you had a lovely weekend. I spent mine eating eggs benedict, finishing the Twilight series for the second time and replacing our piece of shit vacuum with one that has more ambition. As if that wasn't enough fun for a lifetime, on Sunday morning I decided to take matters into my own hands and repaint the bathroom. Not only would I do THAT, but I would paint my own "wallpaper" too.

I got the idea from This Book, which I got for Christmas this year. The templates come with the book and I was really excited to use my new exact-o knife...but my absolute lack of attention to detail makes things like that difficult so after watching Jon cut the first one out - I decided to just use scissors - LET HELL RAIN FIRE DOWN UPON ME, I CUT MY STENCIL OUT WITH SCISSORS. A sacrilege to the stamping community. In my own defense it would not be a Schumanator project if a corner was not cut somewhere.

So of course by the time we were ready to use the stencils I was totally burnt out on the project. Whose idea was it to do all that shit on a Sunday anyway?

Well I did do a few sample stencils and I did a few more this evening, but I probably won't be done until the end of the week at which time I'll show you a better photo. But until then, here is a sneak peek.



I was thinking about taking tomorrow, Inaugural Tuesday, off of work, but then I realized that it was more because I just wanted a day off of work than I really wanted to spend the day watching tv. Instead I'll watch on the internet at work (which is perfect because it will make the day fly by) and then I'll take Friday off so that Jon and I can go to Tahoe. Who said I can't have it both ways? Besides, I am desperate to do laundry and all joking aside, that is the main motivation to get to the cabin. I hear there may be snow in the forecast!

The weather here has been unbelievably nice and if this is global warming I might just start voting republican. At least for the next few years until shit gets too heavy. But because of the nice weather my plants out front are blooming and growing like it is spring. When it gets damp outside (as it is sure to resume being any minute now) snails terrorize my plants so I am currently trying a home remedy that I found on the all knowing internet. I put out a big jar of beer. Apparently snails, being the lushes that they are, cannot resist it and will fall in the jar and drown. I'll feel kind of bad if I go out there and the jar is full of half-dead and wasted snails but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.



I recently planted some lettuce and all of this sunshine has made it grow literally in front of my eyes. We had the lettuce in some homemade gyros the other night and it was the first time I ever uttered the sentence: "damn, this is some good lettuce."



And for dessert: His and Her strawberry shortcakes.



One final thing, because I just thought this was funny. The other night when Jon and I were out on the town and we parked in a parking garage that had cute little slogans on some of the spots. I had to get out while Jon parked because the spot was so tight, and that's when I saw the slogan on our place:



WORD.

This Video Moves Me

I had never seen this video before but it was on Dooce today and if you haven't seen it, you SERIOUSLY need to. And if you have seen it you should SERIOUSLY watch it again.

Not a Resolution

Friends.

Today I joined a gym.

I joined a gym because I would like for some of my pants to fit me again. It is as simple as that. The bonus of being a healthier person is really just a happy byproduct.

This is not my New Years resolution. If it were a New Years resolution I wouldn't even bother mentioning it here because of the inevitable embarrassment I would feel when I slowly but effectively talked myself out of going. Ever again.

No, instead this is a just give it a month kind of resolution. The kind that has loopholes and fine print. The kind that says: hey listen, I'm interested in bettering myself...if it doesn't take too much effort.

So not only did I join a gym today but I also went to the gym today. It's been a long time since I set foot in one - 6 years actually - And that was just a one month stint on a free trial at Bally's. I liked working out, just not enough to pay for it. My first day at Bally's was very much like my first day today, at Planet Fitness - I went for the familiar machines, the tredmil and the bike and both times I went All American on the tredmil and defnitely felt like I was flying afterwards. Not like in the euphoric way, but in the I can't feel my legs kind of way.

Resolved: To take it slow.

Foo Foo Work Shoes

Twenty bucks says I fall off of these heels at one point or another today.

A Love Letter to Winter Vacation

Dear Winter Vacation,

It's been one week since you left.

I miss you.

I thought that one small weekend might fill the void of your presence but Oh!

How I was wrong.

Work fills the time okay, and busy though I may be, my hours are spent longing for the extended afternoon naps and all day movie marathons that your company provides.

Do you remember, Darling Winter Vacation, when I was in college and our time together seemed endless?

Ah. How the time does fly.

But in the spirit of your memory, of all that is fun and fancy-free; We did do a few things this weekend.

On Friday evening we had a whirlwind tour of the local strip malls on a gift card shopping spree. We had numerous Visa gift cards, and Best Buy gift cards and Nordstrom gift cards and it was time to cash out. So at Best Buy we bought an awesome photo printer (that is also a fax machine, copier, scanner, gps navigation system, x-ray machine, iv pump, among other things) and with that we finally printed out some awesome photos from our Europe trip that I, in turn, used a Visa gift card at Aarons Brothers to frame. Winter Vacation, you would love the shots we chose.

You and your impeccable taste.

On Saturday we went out with Jon's friend Blair and his girlfriend Nicole. We found a restaurant called The House on YELP and met there. The House was cute - very small and unique. The menu was split with land animals and sea food, and the plating was very interesting. Plenty of color and structure. La dee dah. While it was a good choice for the area we were in, I wouldn't necessarily suggest it as your first stop in San Francisco. But if you're a local and you are touring the restaurants, check it out.

Sweet Winter Vacation, though my heart was full with entertainment and company,

I still missed you.

We all headed over to, what is widely accepted as a San Francisco institution:

Beach Blanket Babylon.

It's a play of sorts that features pop-culture humor, amazing voices, and outrageous head pieces.

Actors came out singing while wearing costumes of Tina Turner, Hillary Clinton, Palin, McCain, Bill, Barack and Michelle. Also as Glenda the Good Witch, Snow White, Amy Winehouse, Janet Jackson, King Louis XVI, James Brown and more. It was hilarious and fun. We showed up about 5 minutes before it started, although I read beforehand that you should arrive an hour early, we had dinner reservations and we like to live dangerously.

Because of that, we were split up when we sat down and Jon and I sat in two extremely uncomfortable seats up against the wall, and Blair and his girlfriend more or less did the same two rows in front of us. But it was still totally fun and worth seeing as San Francisco residents.

Also, Dear, Sweet, Winter Vacation, Jon got his robot very nearly working.
Since the model number of the robot is Ch3-R, we have decided to call it:

Ch3Rlie.

By the time that I write you next I will have a video of Ch3Rlie walking.

Anyways. I love you. I miss you. I wish you were a year-round friend. I will write again soon.

Stay warm.

Love Schumanator.

PS. Don't worry about Spring. I'm not in to chicks, and besides...She makes me sneeze.

Love you.

Oh Eight, Pretty Great

A few last glances at 2008
It was a great year

Does This Boy Know Me, Or What?

Jon and I planned on celebrating our Christmas together on New Years for two reasons: first of all, I was not in town on the 25th. And secondly because by the time I got home from my trip to San Diego neither one of us had a gift to give. I had ordered his gift, but it did not arrive when I thought it would. By New Years , true to Schuman-Rose form, we collectively decided to push back our Christmas celebration to...sometime this week.

But in that time, Jon considered buying the very thing that I had purchased for him for Christmas. The 'build a hexapod robot kit' , model CH3-R that I purchased from this site. I can say PUBLICLY what my gift to him is because I had to tell him that sometimes Santa is very very busy and has to deliver the really good presents late...But He still knows.

It still hasn't arrived, which is kind of a damper. But since he knew what he was getting (and has already called the company to get information on the product), Jon gave me my gifts tonight.

Insanely thoughtful would be the first words that come to my mind. Because you know how much I wish I had some small treasure from the past, you will of course understand how awesome this was.

There were two small fabric packages that had two coins in them. One of them says that it is "Greek Imperial" from between AD 222 and AD 235. The other one is Roman and is from somewhere between AD 41 and AD 54. There is more information on each one of the coins, but I need to do a little bit more research before I can do them justice with a good explanation (as opposed to saying "Yeah, You know...Claudius.").

I am going to totally enjoy the investigation; I think Jon knew that which is why it is a great gift.

But I'm doubly lucky because Mr. Rose knows that as much as I utterly PINE for ancient, rusty, old archaeological things - I will not sneeze at something that is shiny or sparkly. That would be rude.

Delaying the Inevitable

When I go to bed early on Christmas Eve, Christmas always comes sooner than it would if I went to be later at night. (Based on an assumed standard average number of hours of sleep per night).

In a perfect world the very opposite would be true for the first day back at work after a glorious vacation. The longer I stay up on Sunday night, the farther away reality should be on the other side of sleep - Monday. I try to exercise this theory at the end of every vacation and every time I end up sitting on the couch, staring at the television, alone in the dark. Nothing is ever "going on" and I don't want to "do" anything. I'm not wishing I had some company or waiting for my favorite movie of all time to come on. I am too tired to have any sort of side project to speak of. I have one goal, and one goal only. STAY AWAKE.

I stare at the TV engrossed in the woes of the honey bee on Discovery channel or occupying myself with dreams of the AMAZING SHAM WOW! My brother used to say that I would watch a televised religious sermon before I would turn the TV off. In the case of the last night of vacation it is more or less true.

Yes. Stay awake, I tell myself. The longer you stay up, the longer your vacation will be.

Last night was no exception (naturally). From the outside, I think it may have looked something like this:

New Years Safari

Since I've been off of work I have sort of neglected the blog. I've had almost the last two weeks off of work and have spent the time visiting my mom, reading and cleaning up the house.

In order to get Jon's multitouch screen computer into manufacturing he is working with a company that is based out of Auburn. Auburn is a gold rush town about two hours away from San Francisco, and it also happens to be where Pat lives. So I spent the day taking photos of the farm. We tried to get artsy photos of the horses but I also got some of the other adorable creatures there. Thanks to Pat for some of the photos in this blog post.

Happy New Year to everyone and stay tuned for your regularly scheduled blog, coming soon.

Christmas in the Sandy Eggo

I got to San Diego on Tuesday evening to make the yule tide gay. My mom, grandmother (Bessy Bad Ass) and I went to Ruth's Chris for dinner- something that has sort of become a tradition when I come into town. Ever the festive one, my grandma wore the most fabulous red plaid pants that you could imagine - Something that would make our Scottish ancestors ripe with pride. She also donned a pair of boots that were about an inch and half too long for her and an inch higher than she was accustomed to. She readily admitted to this and as I helped her to the table she literally swerved like a 4 year old in her mother's high heels. This is not because she has become wacky in her old age, that wouldn't be funny to blog about - it is out of pure vanity. Grandma needed shoes - they did not have her size. She made it work. God forbid anyone say anything about the 84 year old's mis-matched shoes.

Dinner was delicious as it usually is and by the time we got home I wanted nothing more than to put on pants with an elastic waist, to park my lazy ass on the couch in the living room and to not leave that spot for at least two days.

When I make a goal, I like to stick with it.

We spent Christmas Eve hanging by the fireplace, watching reality television shows about outrageous murders and other unsettling crimes. I've been sitting here for about ten minutes trying to think of a legitimate explanation for why two white chicks from suburbia would do something like that under the twinkle of the Christmas tree lights and the reality is there is no good explanation. There is just something really interesting about people that go totally nuts. The "fucking Wackadoos" as Tony Soprano would say. We watched so many of these shows in a row it got to be sort of a joke. We even started to criticize the methodology of some of the crimes.

"Why would you ever use a credit card or a cell phone in any part of your murder plot??" I would say.

"Yeah" my mom would answer, "Or a computer."

"It's like so obvious that it could be traced." I mused.

Yes, Ho Ho Ho indeed.

By 8:00pm on Christmas Eve I could tell that my mom was just itching to reenact the Christmas Eve we had 3 years ago when, in a pure Christmas high, we opened all of our gifts before we went to bed. An episode that we regretted the next day. This year I insisted that we exercise some control.

So on Christmas morning we opened our gifts and we both totally scored this year. Some of my highlights include some cute Christmas decor, a great Banana Republic coat and the latest JK Rowling book- The Tales of Beetle the Bard, to name a few. I got my mom a whole new set of Clinique makeup, a digital camera and the Twilight books (Which I personally am almost finished with and though Jon Rose is my main man - Edward Cullen could be my vampire any day of the week. Straight up.)

We then spent the rest of the 25th watching Snapped; A show on the Oxygen network about women that commit murders because one day, "They just snapped". I also peppered in several naps because my excitement for Christmas woke me earlier than I had planned on getting up. It was truly magical. We had the Schuman tradition of homemade taquitos for dinner.

This morning I went to visit my Roo who gave me a great photo album with pictures of my brother, dad, Roo and I throughout the years. There were even some unsettling photos from the troubling middle school days that I probably will not be showing anyone EVER. That says a lot too because generally speaking I have no shame.

After Roo and I had breakfast and a nice chat I left to meet my mom at Balboa Park. We've talked about going to the Museum of Natural History during my last 5 visits and this time we finally went. It was awesome - although frankly seeing 65 million year old crustaceans makes me resent the fact that I have yet to find a single arrowhead. I LOVE Balboa Park - it's been so long since I was there - I forgot how amazing it is.



We got home and I took my 90th nap of the week. We watched a few movies (Charlie Wilson's War and Shawshank Redemption), ate In-n-Out and called it a night. And now, my Twilight book beckons me.

Tomorrow I head back to the fog San Francisco to see my darling boy and to reunite the Cavaliers. I'm excited to give Jon his gifts and to take down our ridiculously over sized Christmas tree (which is something I NEVER thought I would say.)

Pressure

I once wrote a blog entry about how my bathtub/shower has the worst pressure of all time. When you take into consideration ALL of the things that completely suck about our bathroom - the worst has always been the water flow. And quite frankly that is saying a lot. In order to take a hot bath I had to turn the hot nozzle all the way on and the cold nozzle ever so slightly less than one fourth of a turn. Not only was it a delicate balance, but the water flowed so slowly that I might as well have sat in the sink.

But something happened friend, and I can't explain it. It almost feels like it crept in - the change that is. There were a few days that I thought the shower felt a little bit better. That is to say that it didn't feel like something was lazily peeing on my head. And then all of the sudden we got AMAZING water pressure. For example, while I used to spend the first ten minutes of a shower trying to just get my hair wet enough for shampoo, I now spend the first ten minutes dancing back and forth in the water stream getting scorched by totally unexpected blasting hot water.

While we used to use a big glass pitcher to help fill up the tub (because filling a bathtub should not be a 4 hour affair), I could now create hydro-power from the cubic inches the water flow covers in one second

I'm really not sure what happened. The maintenance guy I called when we first moved in was useless, I figured we would just have to suffer and I left it (sort of) at that. But we do have relatively new neighbors next door. And I wonder if they had the same problem and somehow they got a competent maintenance man that simply fixed one tiny little knob in one very simple motion.

I like to think that it is a little Christmas Miracle.

And there's also a lesson. If something needs to get done, eventually...Somebody else will do it.

Work Holiday Party Tomorrow

I am having a really hard time distinguishing between "White Elephant Gift" and "Shit I want to throw out-gift". But isn't that the fun of a white elephant gift exchange in the first place?

On the maybe list so far:

1. bike tire
2. half empty jar of pickles
3. that bag of temporary tattoos I inherited with my cubicle
4. the Fabio autograph that I also inherited with my cubicle
5. the Twilight book that I dropped in the bathtub tonight.

Affliction Allie

Aside from a terrible bout of Blogger's Block I have two other consistent afflictions.

1. I am convinced that I have what doctors might call a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder. Of course not with the whole "cleanliness" thing - no - my obsessive compulsive disorder manifests itself in the form of a need to count things. Again, not constantly, but in moments of boredom or uncomfortable situations I am known to count the number of window panes on a nearby building (being sure of course that the sum equals a comfortable number divisible by 4) or the amount of strings on a set of blinds. When I complained to my mom about this back when I was in high school she very simply asked me why, if that was the case, I continued to do so poorly in math class.

2. My second and more constant affliction is pinche RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME. I think a lot of people consider it to be a false syndrome, made up by people that just want to feel bad about themselves. But I am here to tell you that it is not. Experts debate why people get it - from personal observation it could be any number of things: dehydration, unhealthy diet, lack of exercise, alcohol intake...But regardless of the cause, restless leg syndrome feels unlike anything that can be accurately described. For me I can only say that it makes my legs feel like rubber bands. Rubber bands that need to be stretched and stretched but no matter how much I stretch them they always feel like they need to be stretched a little bit more. There is only one solution and that is to go to bed. And luckily that is somewhere that I really enjoy being.

And that makes Al Gore sad.

When we drove from Auburn to Truckee this last Friday afternoon, we couldn't help but remark to one another how surprising it was that there was not a patch of snow anywhere to be seen. Global Warming Dude - we kept saying to each other. This is how it starts Man.



As I mentioned before, we were outside on Friday evening when the first snowflakes fell. Watching it snow is my most favorite thing to do - Next to arrowhead hunting, that is.



On Saturday morning we woke up to a break in the weather and took the dogs out to run around. I couldn't help but notice my long winter shadow.






It was good that we got a few minutes outside while the sky was blue because from then on it snowed practically the entire time - last night and today (Monday) being the heaviest. Trying to leave this morning was pretty challenging. Aside from the time it took Jon to dig the snow out of the driveway we also needed to do some cleaning so that we could leave the cabin as clean as we found it. In the time it took to clean the storm worsened. It was the first 100 feet of our drive home that made us realize that the car's windshield wipers were frozen solid. All the way up Donner Summit and back down Jon kept his window down and every few seconds he'd reach out and around with the squeegee we brought and he'd wipe down his side of the front windshield.

Once or twice we had to pull over and break the ice off wipers.



I know what you are thinking and the answer is NO. That is not an ideal situation. Especially not when it is white-out conditions. At a few points we thought that it might be safer to just pull over and wait it out. But the Schuman-Rose's are not wussies. And so we persevered.

Once we got to the foot of the mountain we saw that highway patrol had closed the pass - We were lucky to have been able to leave when we did - and thankfully we made it in one piece.

She Who Builds Something From Nothing

Ever since I took archaeology (and studied Anthropology, really) I have been determined to locate my very own archaeological site. Whenever I am somewhere Nature-y I find myself doing what you might call "a foot survey"- which means I just walk around looking at the ground. Occasionally I pick up a rock that looks interesting, perhaps a triangular shape, maybe an arrowhead once banged out by an attractive and young Native American male - approaching his much anticipated rite of passage. Typically when I pull said triangular shaped rock out of the ground it is not triangular at all. In fact, I may have the worlds largest collection of non-arrowheads. (I did however construct an arrowhead once for a school project out of the obsidian my mom, brother and I found in the outskirts of Mexico City - what's funny about that is that my teacher actually considered it a dangerous weapon. Very 1996. That is another story entirely)

During a "foot survey" of sorts yesterday evening along the snowy shore of Lake Donner I encouraged Jon to help me find ancient Native American fishing lures which are sure to be just littered amongst the rocks. He walked up next to me and looked down and said "Ummmm...."

"They won't jump right out at you" I said, instructively.

After awhile I had picked up about 3,000 rocks that all had, what I considered, absolutely no level of archaeological importance. I told Jon, in frustration:

I'm looking at these rocks and all I see are stone tools!

To which he replied: You'd be a very optimistic Native American.

And I have to tell you that that notion is really comforting.

Winter Splendor

I took today (Friday) and this next Monday off of work to acompany Jon to work. He had some stuff to do in Auburn - which is where his mom lives - so we drove up there last night and he worked most of the day today. I hung at the farm, chatted with Pat and took the dogs walking around throwing the frisbee and the tennis ball. We are lucky enough to be able to stay at the cabin here on Lake Donner this weekend in between Jon's work engagements. It is supposed to snow most of the weekend and in to next week. I just love watching it snow. We were standing outside on the deck tonight to feel the wind that is supposed to really pick up as the night goes on, and we felt the first flakes of snow that fell, It was awesome.

Snowy and Sammy Update

We got a photo of Snowy and Sammy - the cats that we rescued from our neighbors. While at first they were a little unruly, batting Christmas ornaments off the tree and hissing at the humans in the house, they are now comfortably settling in to their new adopted home.



My cat on the other hand is flying around our house like a bat out of hell as though this were his first ever holiday season. I think the tree is messing with his senses - making him think that he is outside - He has been tearing around the bottom floor of our place, launching my tree skirt in every direction on the hard wood floors. Lucy, our resident nut case is even shocked at this behavior. Normally she would chase him around and engage in a little playtime, but as of late she just looks at him like "Dude. you are so fucking weird"

Shortcuts

Whenever I get blogger's block (which is quite frequently) I still try my best to think of something to write. It's healthy to exercise the brain, you know? So today, rather than regale you with stories of how Big Foot is real or about that one time I stole two balloons - I shall offer up a bit of potpourri:

1. The new Vanity Fair is great and I suggest you pick it up and read not only the Tina Fey article, but the article called "The Man in the Rockefeller Suit". It is truly amazing.

2. I am currently sitting on the couch waiting for delivery ravioli.

3. I made a very small but significant boo-boo on a work project last week and have been kicking myself since - only to realize that the same project this week (its a weekly thing) is also semi-fucked. Making this the first and second time in my life that I have ever made a mistake.

4. Okay, you can't tell but the ravioli was just delivered and I took a brief break from blogging to eat it. It was pretty good but it was no Mario Vitale.

5. Today, a military airplane crashed into the suburban neighborhood that I attended Kindergarten through freshman year of high school in. Actually, in photos of the crash you could see the playing fields at the high school. While it was very real to the people that were there, and sad for everyone, It all felt very Donnie Darko. Did it not?

6. Jon has been flipping through the channels and he has landed on PBS's study of Luciano Pavarotti. He just put the remote down which leads me to believe that he intends to leave it here for awhile. I meanwhile am secretly delighted but won't mention it because then he would definitely change the channel. Not that I give a what about Pavarotti, but I love a good musical documentary.

7. I just spoke with my boss again and confirmed that the thing that was semi-fucked (see #3) is definitely still basically fucked.

8. I am torn by my addiction to E!Online and am willing to hear arguments as to why I should be ashamed of myself for contributing to the tabloids with my readership. This might all be coming to my mind because I watched Britney 4 The Record this weekend and I'll be damned if B didn't have me crying by the end! Seriously, I think she and I could obvy be best friends.

9. Best line of all time in a great work of fiction: "Now come Harry, let us step into the night and seek that flighty temptress, Adventure." Jon likes to say that the only books that I read are Harry Potter. This is only true for the last 2 years of my life and in my own defense several very good books were peppered in between the various times I read the entire Harry Potter series (for example, Eric Clapton's autobiography was quite good). An individual not having interest in reading Harry Potter, in my mind, is akin to attending a secret communist get-together.

10. In the time it took to write this bloggers blocked entry (3 hours), the work issue that was semi-to-perma-fucked is fixed. Praise Jee-zhus!

Are you on our list??

I pretty much did everything Christmasy that I could think of this weekend. Including my standard: Choosing a tree that is at least twice the size of the tree that would have fit in our living room.



I also actually made a list of presents that we need to purchase for people. Ordinarily I wouldn't dream of being so organized, but when you add my small family to Jon's ever-growing family we end up with like 15 people to (happily) buy for.



It's a blurry photo for a reason obviously. Santa asked me not to share. Those who are close to me insist that I am the ultimate "Peeker" when it comes to Christmas gifts. They say that I stay up until after everyone has gone to bed, that I gingerly slide my finger under the scotch tape and peel back the wrapping to catch a glimpse of my Christmas boon. I resent this and insist that anyone that claims such a thing is simply projecting.

Today was a fun day at the mall, doing my part to help the economy by purchasing a great number of presents for each and every loved one. If she who has the most shopping bags at the mall wins, I am the Michael Phelps of Christmas shopping.

Wrapping is always the best part for me. I have never been very good at art - you know, painting, drawing, making things look pretty, but several years working the mall at Christmas has made me a cracker-jack wrapper. This year I even involved rubber stamps into the mix.




Yeah, I'll wrap your presents. For a fee...

Consistently Inconsistent

I have never been good at sticking with things. You know, following through - finishing what I've started. Not my strong suit. I once overheard my grandmother saying that I "flitted from thing to thing" never committing myself fully. (That was right after I quit the piano.) And while that doesn't sound like a very nice thing to say I think you have to give it to the lady for calling it like she saw it. When I started learning piano I envisioned myself as the world's most talented concert pianist. When the odds of that happening were revealed to me I was kind of over it.

In college I was fairly certain that I would become an Underwater Archaeologist. But the scuba class meant I would be at school until 10pm. Thanks but no thanks.

I decided to read a biography of every president of the United States. I read Washington, Adams and Jefferson. Well, most of Jefferson.

I was 100% sure I was going to write a book about ______________. (Fill in the blank)

Design and sew my very own, very elaborate, massive flying kite? Probably not. (Why really?)

And don't even ask me about my hard-body workout routine that has been on the back burner for 12 years.

Number of Craft Projects started and not finished: 587

And, I don't know if you know this, but Mount Everest isn't all that hard to climb. No, it's the altitude that's hard - otherwise the climb would be easy. Then why not? Yes - for a short spell in middle school I thought that if I wanted it enough I could do it. I can tell you now that that is categorically untrue - never mind that I also did not want it enough.

Just today I started reading "A Brief History of Time" by Stephen Hawking. He said something interesting about a book Isaac Newton wrote. I was convinced that I would buy it and devour it. Odds of that: slim. Odds I finish "A Brief History of Time"?: also slim. (See also: "Voyage of the Beagle")

Instead of being an A+ "student" in all of these various arenas I have half-assed each and every one. I am sort of like that C student that always leaves during the breaks and only regularly shows up around test time.

But just like that student, I like to think if you know a little bit about a lot...You're doing okay.

Snowey and Sammy

For awhile when we first moved here we were the resident Doolittles of the 300 block of Gonzalez Drive. With two semi-large dogs and one cat we were in violation of our complex's limit of pets by one animal. But our cat has been so low maintenance lately that in our minds we are compliant.

I say he has been low maintenance lately to suggest that it has not always been that way. After we had our darling kitty for at least a year we made the mistake of letting him spend some time outside. At which point he realized that outside was much much cooler than inside. It got to the point where he was outside for the majority of the afternoon and would only come back at dusk. I'm not sure what he was doing that whole time but to feel like a better mother I like to think that he was out delivering meals to homeless cats.

But there came a point when his preference for the outdoors became a hindrance. If he didn't come home by the time we went to bed, he slept outside. Occasionally when we wanted to take a weekend trip to Pat's, we would be delayed by our cat's daily adventure because we didn't want him to have to stay outside for too long at one time. And then of course he was outside for two weeks straight when we were in Europe and when I got home and got him inside I said NO MY LITTLE FELINE FRIEND. NO MORE OUTSIDE FOR YOU.

The Doolittle title was passed on to a young couple that initially moved in to their one bedroom apartment with two cats - two doors down from us. The new Doolittle's were TOTAL cat people. After being here for several months they bought a puppy and then shortly thereafter yet another dog. Their cats began spending all day every day outside and would rarely go inside. They hunted rats and had fleas and were generally thought of as "outdoor cats". But they were exceptionally friendly and cute.

So when Mr Doolittle told Jon that they would be moving by the end of November it took several minutes before Jon realized what their plans for the cats were. They said that the girl cat was going to get dropped off at the animal shelter and that the boy cat needed to be put to sleep because he was sick. This diagnosis was not based on so much as a Google search, and it definitely struck Jon and I as a totally irresponsible quick-fix. We gave the cat a de-worming pill and his owners said he was miraculously cured.

Jon asked his mom if she might want to adopt two nice cats for the farm and she said YES!

So of the (what seems like) million things we did this last Thanksgiving weekend, Rescuing our neighbor's cats is one of them...We put the cats in our car and met Pat in Orinda on Sunday afternoon. She took them to her farm and I think it's safe to say that they ended up in a better place than they could have ever hoped for!

So In Summation

Here is what a week in my shoes looks like - starting with today and going back to last weekend...

Shoe Shy

Getting photos of 'my week in my shoes' is proving to be more difficult than you might think. Since most of my day is done at work it only seems natural that I get a photo there. But who is dying to be "the girl that keeps taking pictures of her shoes?" Not I. So my original intention was to get a photo getting out of my car or something, simple, hidden - nevertheless having to do with my going to work. I tried to take the photo but I was just totally uninspired to tell you the truth.

So I tried a few times in the elevator. But 9 floors just is not enough, and a few people got on and I had to pretend like I was just scrolling through my photos, casually.

It would have to be my cubicle. So the first time I took a photo, I coughed a little bit to muffle the sound of the shutter. But that image came out blurry. So I tried again - no good. Is there anywhere else in this building I can get a fucking photo? I finally admitted to myself that like it or not I would have to use the flash. I went for it.

And was inevitably called out on it.

I went with an elevator photo in the end.

Zeus

Another day in my shoes. This time in the confines of my very own cubicle. This photo really makes me question that tone of gold...Regardless of what you might think, pavement does not melt as I walk over it.

Blogosphere Expolosion

There are three blogs that I routinely check in with. Three blogs that currently peak my interest for one reason or another. And they each happen to be going through something significant in their lives and so I thought I would link to each of them and give you a little blurb.

1. Dooce is pregnant. One of my staple, go-to bloggers, just announced that she is with child. Her blog is already funny and easy to relate to, and its hard not to love the simple layout.

2. This craft website is the source of a lot of inspiration. Turkey Feathers just published her first book. She bought one large wool blanket from an antique store and made over 40 different crafty items from it.

3. C jane run is a blog that has exploded ever since the blogger's sister and brother in law were involved in a near deadly plane crash. The blog occasionally gets a little, how do you say? Mormony? But the photos and the updates are enough to keep me reading and her sister, Stephanie, was just taken out of her medically induced coma. Yeah. C Jane also takes care of her sisters kids and has great taste in photos, colors and projects.

I think its really interesting the way that one blog can link to another blog and another and another. It is sort of like the modern equivalent of that game "Telephone"- you know that game where a line of people whisper the same phrase to each other and as the line progresses the words change, for example the original person says "Lizards are really gross" and by the end the sentence is something like "Blizzards don't happen on the west coast".

Anyways, Turkey Feathers linked to a blog one day called Domesticali. I had never checked it but I really liked it the day I tuned in and subsequently check in every few days. The blogger recently posted a series called "A Week in My Shoes" - But she didn't think of this theme on her own, she got it from another blog I had never seen: The Philosophy of Lists. A blogger that loves list making above all else. Since list making is on my top ten hobbies, I thought I would continue the momentum and start my own A WEEK IN MY SHOES.

Heading out to the Farmers Market for strawberries (to make strawberry jam!)


Forced against my will to play with the dogs because come 10:00am they literally stalk me until I take them outside.


Sunday morning breakfast at JDB - ALWAYS the Eggs Benedict - This photo is actually a reflection.


Late lunch at Subway - ALWAYS a 6 inch BLT on Italian Herb and Cheese bread with provolone, toasted.

WHAT DID YOU DO???

Lucy is generally a sort of pretty good dog but there a few things that she does that drive me up the fucking wall.

1. Exhibits insane levels of excitement when we
a. come home from somewhere
b. take her anywhere

2. Exhibits bad begging behavior when we are eating.

We had an incident last night concerning issue number 2. Lucy had spent the time that Jon and I were eating dinner right between my feet and the coffee table- Basically watching every bite go from my plate, to my fork, into my mouth, and back. When she is annoying like this I make every attempt to not drop a single morsel of my delicious dinner and I occasionally insist that she be at least two feet away. As soon as I am finished with it she races me into the kitchen in the hopes that I will let her have some scraps or perhaps I might even let her lick my plate. (Which I usually do, and yes that is the root of the problem).

So last night after dinner, Jon had left a piece of dinner bread on the table and then he went upstairs to take a shower. When Lucy thought that I wasn’t looking she grabbed the bread, hauled it as quickly as she could under the table and tried to eat it it as quickly as possible without being noticed. But this time – I noticed. And I said WHAT DID YOU DOOOOO? The words that strike fear in her heart and the words that I sometimes say just to see if she has done anything bad within her memories reach.

COME HERE! I said, and amazingly, while she was still chewing the contraband, she came over to where I was sitting and I reached into her mouth and pulled the bread out of her throat. THAT’S BAAAAADDDD. NO! NO LUCY!

Before he gets in the shower Jon yells from upstairs What did she do??? And I say, dude she ate that piece of bread you left on the table. LUCY, WHAT DID YOU DOOOOO? Jon asked her.

It's cool, I said. I took it back from her.

Then I felt bad, so about thirty seconds later I said: “good girl”.

About an hour went by and we were sitting there watching TV. I periodically looked at the table and saw that the bread was directly in the middle where she couldn’t reach it. I would leave it there to teach her patience.

Two more minutes went by and I looked down and the bread was gone and since I knew the dogs couldn't reach it I said JON!!!

What? He sounded startled

You didn't eat that piece of bread did you??

The Princess and the Poles

I have not been sleeping well recently and I’m not sure why.

Did you read that article that came out in late August about cows? You know, how they have a distinct tendency to “align their bodies” in a North-South direction? Apparently deer do as well. Scientists don’t really know what this means but they do know that the poles of the Earth have significant magnetic pulls. Some birds and even bats are known to use the magnetic North and South as a veritable GPS system and it helps them during migration. Excuse me while I turn 100% geek and say IS THAT NOT THE MOST INTERESTING THING THAT YOU HAVE EVER HEARD?

Jon and I – within the past 3 months have changed the position of our bed from a North-South facing position to an East-West facing position. Could this be the root of my not sleeping well?

I also read recently that drinking enough water each day increases energy- I am drinking 32 more ounces of water a day than I ever have in my life…Do you think this could cause me to wake up at 5am instead of 8am (or on the weekends, 9am instead of noon?) – Do I have THAT much more energy?

Well it doesn’t feel like it, because when I DON’T wake up before my alarm clock, the animals in my house flock into our bedroom at about 6am. Like, they all wake up and come upstairs into our room just to say, Hey - You guys aren’t up yet? What the fuck?

Lucy paces around the bed with her nails clicking on the hard wood floor. The Z man is so tired he yawns and sighs and then sort of collapses on the pile of Jon’s clothes that never seems to go away. The cat though, the cat is the one that really messes with me, because he started doing this thing where he comes into the room after Jon has gotten up, he meows once and then he makes a bounding LEAP onto the bed and he skims my blanketed body as he flies over me. Occasionally he miscalculates and he will land right on top of me which freaks both of us out.

So anyways, long story short. I’m not sleeping like the youthful 13 year old I once was and while that deeply saddens me, you will be happy to know that rather than just GIVE UP, and get out of bed, I roll around until I am very nearly running late. What can I say? Being consistent is important.

Best Fortune Cookie Fortune I Have EVER Had

Your intense personality can make quite an impression on people.

Couldn't Wait Any Longer

On Friday evening I threw out the idea of taking out our Christmas decorations to Jon and he agreed that it would be a really good idea. But because it is like 80 degrees here and because after all, we haven't had Thanksgiving yet I decided that that would be totally premature.

So on Saturday I went to the mall and lo and behold- it is already Christmas at the mall. And there is just something about Christmas time at the mall- the obscenely intrusive cinnamon scent, the tacky and oversized Christmas bows and wreaths and of course Santa by the tree.

I shopped around and saw all of the little gift packages each store puts together and I even heard Christmas music, so I said to myself, if it is Christmas at the mall there is no reason that it can't be Christmas in my house too.

So I took out our decorations and spent the better part of the afternoon cuti-fying our house for everyone's most favorite time of the year. And by the time I take them down it will be February but it will feel like Christmas for four months straight.

Wild Child

I have always loved old family photos. This collection today is of my mom as a kid and I think they all look like so much fun - Don't you agree?

Fish Out of Water

I don't drink very much water at all. I am like a cactus, I just evolved to not need it. I guess I also figured that, you know, I drew a lot of water from the 4 Diet Dr Peppers, the plate of steak tacos and the diet peach Snapple that I nurse daily.

I maybe have 3 full glasses of water during the week and that is usually without ice and it is because I have to have something to drink with dinner and I am just plain too lazy to pour anything.

The only time that I really NEED water is after a night of drinking. My body actually wakes me up and says "listen, you know I'd only do this if it was important but dude I need some h20 like right fuckin' now." And that moment always feels the same - like a desert has sprung up in my entire torso and that it is penetrating my soul.

So I know what you're thinking- duh just start drinking more water and I am one step ahead of you. Today I brought one large water bottle and told myself that I would drink the entire thing. And I totally did. Internet high five. But at a certain point drinking it became somewhat laborious and I'll be frank it wasn't nearly as fun as a flavored beverage would have been. But the reasons TO drink water are pretty compelling- so I might just try it again tomorrow (but ask me again in 4 days.)

NORM!

Today was the third time this week (the start of a week being defined by Sunday at 12:00am) that we dropped in to the grocery store that is in our apartment complex. Jon is 100% old boy when it comes to communicating with the local store clerks. Always engaging them...the way you see other people do when you are in line somewhere and you think "How does someone get to know their grocery store clerk so well?" And for Jon it extends to deli clerks and security guards and bank tellers and I imagine if he were an outright alcoholic it might include the local bar patrons as well.

The moment we walk in the front doors:

The Dude: "Hey Man! You watchin' the game?? [Monday Night Football-49ers]

Jon: Oh Yeah Man, did you see that catch Davis had?

The Dude: Those two catches.

- - - Jon and I wander through the isles to gather the contents of my current high protein diet: peanut butter M&Ms and BBQ sunflower seeds... We get in line and as soon as we do so the line doubles in length and there is now a short wait to be checked out. The Dude opens a new line and Jon and I move over after the person that was in front of us. - - -

Jon: Yeah man so that game - How about Sean Hill?

The Dude: I know dude

Jon: And did you hear about that Mike Singletary pulling his pants down thing?

The Dude: Yeah, but so what, you know?

Jon: Totally. (We take our bagged items)

The Dude: You know, everyone that comes in here likes him...So...

Jon: Yeah. Well alright Man, Have a good night!

- - - Jon and I make our way the four blocks back home. We start talking about their constant banter and I say that I have no idea why he harasses me to accompany him to the store if he is just going to engage the guy that works there into a conversation about the sports game that I am dying to turn off at home.- - -

Me: I like that errand though because it is usually the first moment of my day that I absolutely do not even think about what is being said around me; It is ever so zen-like. I just keep a small smile like this (demonstrated smile) on my face as though to say "I am supportive of this masculine interaction"

Jon: Dude I am like Norm in there.

Me: Oh my God you are totally serious too.

Jon: You know, I walk in and everyone is like NOOOOORRRRRRMMMMMMM?!

Me: Totally.

Jon: And I love when they open a new register for us.

Me: Whoa Whoa. You think that with a line that long our frequent patronage can claim responsibility for the entire opening of a new register?

Jon: Hell Yeah man.

Me: That's balderdash.

Jon: Dude it always happens when I am there but I feel like the guy with tattoos is always a little bit offended because he doesn't watch sports and like...I can't shoot the shit with him.

Consumer

This weekend was one of those weekends when I really felt compelled to go out and assist the ailing American economy by purchasing numerous unnecessary items at various large chain stores in my area. A key component to my guilt-free shopping is to include my monthly Petco run in the fun. By the time I have spent $80 on dog food, cat food and kitty litter I already feel like perhaps I should slow the party down.

This weekend it was also time to FINALLY frame the prints that I bought in Europe. I mean, yes, frames and mattes are expensive but this project has been in the works for months and I almost considered the frame purchases akin to buying new vacuum cleaner bags. Not selfish- Downright necessary.

After a few other stops I headed home with my million pounds of animal food and frames and got busy fitting the paintings into them. By the evening I was ready to hang them all up and I had even convinced Jon to help me. He started hammering a few nails in and immediately our next door neighbor banged on the wall back to us. Shit. "Dude, keep going, its 6:00pm on a Saturday, we're not hosting a frat party we're hanging some art." Jon started hammering again - and again the neighbor knocked back on the wall as thought we were prisoners attempting to slyly communicate through the cell wall.

We put the hammering on hold until exactly 1pm today. We thought it would be best if we knocked on the neighbors door to tell them that we would be hammering through our shared paper thin wall, but only 5 nails and we already had the holes planned. I thought that that was a job best suited for Jon. They weren't home, so we hammered away.







Today, Sunday, I went to Target for some further necessities and picked up a cubby organizer to compliment the one that I already have in an attempt to make the Bonus Room in our place a room that we actually want to spend time in. Putting all of my things in their own spaces- my stamps, my paintbrushes, my scissors, thread and glitter felt like opening my own personal stationary shop and it was the most magical and productive part of my weekend.

Happiness Is...

1. A to-do list full of check marks
2. The most fabulous Halloween costume you can think of
3. Christmas
4. A marathon of any of the following: Sex and the City, Lost, Weeds, Sopranos.
5. Christmas in San Diego (It is always sunny!)
6. A job that you don't mind going to in the morning
7. A quick day at work
8. Breaded chicken
9. Swimming in the ocean
10. Having Summers off and spending the entire time in the sun
11. A multitude of colorful and fun pens to write with
12. A Target shopping spree (particularly on rainy days)
13. Peanut butter m&ms
14. Monta Ellis actually PLAYING for the Warriors
15. Being able to say that someone famous went to your high school(oh shut up you do it too)
16. A long evening by a fireplace
17. Three week vacations to Europe
18. OBAMA
19. Buying gifts that people love
20. Jam making (and preparing the subsequent labels)
21. Having supportive friends *Hi Court
22. Having flowers and plants that actually grow
23. Warm clean laundry
24. Talking to people with accents
25. TVs in the kitchen
26. Tapas
27. E!Online while at work
28. A good nights sleep
29. List making
30. Hearing what it means to other people...

Supermarket Sweep

Have I ever mentioned that Jon and I go to the grocery store almost every single evening? Why is this practical you ask? And the answer is that it is 100% NOT practical. There is no rhyme or reason to it although it does fit in with our tendency to procrastinate and mutual inability to plan anything.

To put it in a positive light: It just seems to suit our whimsical ways.

Tonight at Safeway the intercom came on and the manager said:


Attention Safeway employees!
I'm going to need every one of you here to keep on the B.O.B's. Okay?? I need one-hun-dred percent execution on the bobs people, 100% execution on the B.O.B's. Hard work pays off. Okay? So lets do this!

Failure is not an option here at store 33261.


I'm not sure what a B.O.B is, Bringing Outside (carts) Back? I don't know. But his enthusiasm was unparalleled and I found myself wondering if I might want to join the winning team and I daresay I wasn't the only one.

Totally Called It

I saw this coming from a mile away. Yes, this is a photo of a tv cable running straight across the ground through the kitchen doorway and up the counter top. Notice that the cable is NOT placed ever so thoughtfully along the side of the wall.



We do have an excuse.



It was a pretty big night and we wanted to be able to watch the news while we cooked. And not only did we wake up with a new (history changing) president but I'll be damned if Jon Rose didn't get up before me and tuck that tv cable ever so gingerly behind the couch.



Change is here.

Fall on the Farm

Jon picked me up from work on Friday with the dogs in tow and every single piece of laundry that either one of us has ever owned. It was Halloween of course and it was sort of raining and we were really hoping to avoid traffic. Lucy was pretty bad the whole time but aside from that predictable unpleasantness the trip went really quick and we got to Pat's (Jon's mom) while it was light out and just before it started raining.



I unloaded the two MASSIVE bags- seriously, Jon's lacrosse bag which could fit a body and then his abnormally large backpacking backpack all completely full with our life: in fabric. I unloaded these bags in the laundry room and did laundry for two days straight.

On Saturday Jon got a last minute appointment at the only salon in the world that he will get his haircut at. The Auburn, California Super Cuts. I think he likes the ladies that work there-they have sort of a no-nonsense approach to hair cutting. He got a damn good haircut too and I swear to you it was record time.

"Hit gold this time" He says about the new haircut.

After the haircut we did what any group of civilized human beings does: We roamed around Best Buy and Target. Jon and I tried fruitlessly to show Pat a small glimpse of The Cavaliers by using the Best Buy demo model of RockBand, but the microphone had been cut off and stolen, the drum kick pedal was broken in half and Jon was forced to play in lefty mode. We were booed off the stage. NOT TYPICAL, just to clarify.

At Target Jon got a lucky number of his most favoritist sweaters. We also picked up a new sofa cover for my couch that has followed me around for the past 10 years (at least). It is by far the best fitting sofa cover EVER and we got some new pillows too. I'm going to make new pillowcases for the original pillows because its a huge couch and it needs the big down pillows to