Monday, August 4, 2008

If There is a God

He is punishing me with public humiliation.

So today we had a conference call with a big client. Big like a brand you totally know that you or someone in your household has definitely used. It was all of the brand managers of this company and our sales and account management people. And me. Little old me. And I was totally stressing about my ten minute shpeal because the woman from the Big Brand was really asking a lot of questions throughout the hour and a half presentation. So I was planning and planning. Making little notes for what to say. Putting my phone on mute and pulling my headset off to take a big breath every now and then.
We finally reach the point when I am about to speak for the first time during the whole call. My boss has practically had to argue with the boss lady from the Big Brand to even have her team hear what I have to say. My heart is pounding, hands sweaty, breath short and...The floor is given to me with one word: QUICK.

So I say, OK- Everyone have the pdf out in fr-


Oh, I say. My headset hasn't been working properly lately, let me just switch real quick here.

I hit a button.

I hear a dial tone.

Yes. I have just hung up on the Big Brand (worked-for-over-a-month-on-this-information) conference call.

My boss who I share a cubicle wall with catches on way quick and takes the lead. I dial back in immediately and when I re-join the call it makes a "beep beep" noise to signify that I'm there and my boss says "Ok, Allie, sounds like you're back?"

YES! I'm back I had technical difficul-

No, Nope. Huh-uh. We can't hear you. Says the entire conference room of our client's office.

I hang up again. No seriously. I HANG UP AGAIN. (The phone beep-beeps in the conference call to signify it- just so everyone knows)

A coworker sends me an instant message that says, Hey: Make sure your headset is off.

And for a second I thought that maybe I had uttered a swear word in the process of confusion and hadn't realized but in fact I am just a total dumb ass. I panicked and completely hit the wrong buttons at the wrong time and by the time I beeped back into the conversation, my moment in the sun had passed.

I guess the only real consolation was when I was between beeping in and out of the call and I heard my boss say "I know, Poor Thing!" I'm not sure what was said just before that to prompt her comment but for sanity's sake I am going to go ahead and pretend like someone said something like: Oh You know, she is just awesome and is getting a promotion and was DYING to tell you all about this.