Monday, February 16, 2009

The Dream

Every time American Idol comes around I spend about two weeks thinking "It's now or never. Should I try out? Maybe I'll try out and not tell anyone...then if its good news I'll share, if not I'll bury the experience deep in my memory bank - right alongside the time I ripped my pants while I was doing the splits at recess in 5th grade."

After the two weeks of checking audition dates I settle back into my mediocrity- cozy, but slightly less famous than my destiny dictates.

But I must have been dwelling on my chances because last night I had a dream about my try-out period and believe it or not I made it all the way up to Hollywood week.

* * * * *

I was thinking about the sheer luck of being overlooked and thus having been advanced into further rounds. We, myself and the other contestants, made our way into the tepee within which we would have a late evening solo sing. One last exhibition of our skills before the competition really narrowed down to the favorites. The tepee was full of plastic white folding chairs and we sat divided down the middle as though each performance were a wedding.

I was in the front row along with a handful of other people but when we heard someone say that the front would be starting things off, everyone moved back and all of the sudden I was the only person in the first row.

The host, who was not Ryan Seacrest, said "and why don't we go ahead and start with you??" and it was obvious he was speaking to me. I felt a total sense of relief; Better to just get it out of the way, just knowing if I made it would be reward enough, regardless of whether it was good news or not.

But wasn't it odd? I seemed to be the only person in the entire contention that had only sung one song - my initial audition song. I had been looked over, blended into the group competition and forgotten in the follow-up solo. There must have been some sort of mistake, but I didn't bother mentioning it...I'll take what I can get, I thought...But it's only a matter of time before I'm found out.

And so I got up, confident - but nervous as all hell. I cleared my throat and shut out the nerves. I began to sing "Yesterdaayy......"

But I couldn't get a note out - not even a clear voice - It was clouded and obscured, like I couldn't breathe enough to get a note out.

"All my troubles faaarr awayyy"

It was obvious now, I was losing it, I wouldn't make it if I didn't turn it around right now....

"Now it looks as though they're here to stayyy"

I started to force the air out "OH I BELIEVE IN YESTERDAAAYY" but it was no good.

The three judges said a quick "Thank you" and my peers started clapping slowly in the teepee that we were gathered in. I sat down. Embarrassed. The slow and chatty round of applause evolved into a more hearty reception and as I sat down I clapped for myself too, glad that I put the effort in to begin with.

* * * * *
I'm not sure whether this dream has to do with my utterly naive overconfidence or the inevitable lesson that I truly cannot carry a note...but either way I have to say...I quite enjoyed my 15 minutes of (sleepy) fame.