Friday, July 11, 2008

Get OFF of Me

I like to dance just as much as the next guy. Really I do. In my mind's eye I am the best dancer in the world. I can imagine myself doing the jitterbug, the waltz, the roger rabbit, and the Virginia reel. I have even been known to say that I would like the first dance at my wedding as husband and wife to be the Thriller dance.

But its my generation that ruins this for me. My generation that must be told to cover their nipples and other areas that are not meant to be exposed while dancing unless your partner is a pole. My generation that forces hardworking teachers to chaperon school dances to their horror: Gone are the days of the "I need to be able to fit a ruler between you two kids" mania. Now teachers merely hand out condoms and hope for the best.

You think I'm joking.

The chances of being impregnated on the dance floor are higher than ever.

In researching this entry I even found a forum that had been started by a confused and embarrassed young man that said he was GRINDING (yes, isn't that lovely, grinding) a co-ed and she kept pressing her body into his and when he pulled her a little more tightly towards him she looked horrified and avoided him the rest of the night.

Yes ladies, backing your ass up into a guy's crotch to the point that he feels violated just SCREAMS "get away from me psycho."

So in general I avoid dance floors like the plague but now you know: If you ever catch me on one dont even think about getting closer than 12 inches from me. and if your hand finds its way to my ass I will chop it off faster than you can say misdemeanor.

and do not. I repeat, do not. "freak" me.
and do not grind on me either. that is disgusting.