Wednesday, July 16, 2008

1943 Guide to Hiring Women

Friends, the time as come. We finally have an official total on our tie breaking poll. Should I talk about our obligation to tip even when tipping does not seem appropriate? or should I talk about the real-life actual guide from 1943 to hiring women? The people have spoken and they have said loud and clear: WE WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW WOMEN WERE SHIT ON FOR A GREAT PART OF HISTORY.

And you shall have it my dears.

The truth is that both of these ideas were recommended by women that I love. While one of them may very well have sent an email blast out to have their friends vote, there was nothing in the official rules that stated that such activity was not allowed and frankly the Bloganator had more votes than ever, so I am not complaining. Therefore, I leave you with a few key points to keep in mind when hiring women, courtesy of the July 1943 issue Transportation Magazine.

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

Older married women are tired of the bullshit and less likely to give a fuck about the public.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

If you must hire one of these cantankerous and fussy she-devils, be sure to never look her in the eye.

3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

Note: If they are more than "a little" on the heavy side or perhaps lack the ability to put on weight, they are just downright counter productive and should not be taken seriously.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

Also ask said physician if there is something wrong with your prostate because you are clearly a big pain in the ass.

5. Stress at the outset the importance of time. the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

Oh my god! You mean, like, I can't, like, just...sit here? But, like...You didn't say that, when you, like...hired me? Meanie!

6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

This is true. We women need big strong men like you to come and tell us like...what...we doing? If we feel like we don't have a purpose we will start braiding each other's hair and playing patty cake and flirting with the married men.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

Honestly, I don't even understand what this is saying exactly and why it is female specific so I'm going to spare you the profane and sarcastic response.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

Otherwise we just feel icky.

9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

"It breaks her spirit" sounds like something you would say about a horse.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

And then she'll put a fucking HEX on the place. Because all women are witches.
(Quote from mom: "I can't believe all these people read your blog and yet you are still so VULGAR"...I shan't be censored mother, I've told you.)

11. Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

Really, this is all it takes. As long as our uniforms fit we seriously don't notice anything else. NOTHING. This cannot be stressed enough.

Tomorrow's Blog: Tipping. Not Just a City in China. (Because frankly I was going to write about them both anyway)