Sunday, May 17, 2009

Exercising Control

I really try hard not to question my instincts. Life, I ascertain, is like a scantron test- your first reaction is usually the best and most accurate and it goes by way too quick to analyze and second guess your natural instincts. I have made mistakes in my life so far and there are of course things that I have done that I am not proud of (Like that time I was walking back over the US/Mexico border, shit faced drunk, yelling DRUUUUGGGSSS!! I HAVE DRUGSSS!!!!!). But when I find myself saying "why did I do that?" or "I wish I would have made a better choice" I automatically remind myself that I could spend a lifetime wondering those things and that my limited time on the planet is much better served just being myself.

But I am still human and therefore my decisions are still made and based within the realm of social acceptance - so I avoid the following things, though occasionally it takes a great deal of effort.

1. Dressing my dogs up in clothing. Ok, so I have done it once and got a great deal of satisfaction from it, but generally speaking that is an activity better suited for small dogs.

2. Running in to the elevator and hitting "DOOR CLOSE" so that the woman walking right behind me has no chance of making it. In the mornings at work I like to spend my elevator time assessing my outfit and adjusting makeup if necessary and if someone joins me on the ride up, it makes it sort of difficult.

3. Internet stalking the Olsen Twins. (Why are they so fab?)

4. Using Facebook to express my drama - here is an example from a "friend" on my Facebook who I don't really know:

im happy to get rid of drama craving, attention seeking, emotionally crazy ppl in my life and will stop trying to find the good in ppl from now on. cheap, fake, emo ppl can now get the fuck outta my life and stop butting into my business.

On the one hand I totally support the drama craving people getting the fuck out her life, but on the other this is the PERFECT example of point #4.

5. Reading the Harry Potter books over and over and over and over...(nerd alert)

6. Laughing when I ask the guy at the deli for three pounds of "pork butt".

7. Laughing when the person in the next bathroom stall over farts.

8. Driving on the shoulder of the freeway in a dead stand still of traffic. It seems like an obvious Plan B.

9. Ordering an IV of Coca-Cola to my jugular vein, as opposed to a regular old glass.